Mr. JimiJam Poetry Reading

MR. JIMIJAM - MY POETRY & SONGS





THE WRITINGS OF JAMES RILEY III







ALL MATERIAL HEREIN IS REGISTERED AND COPYWRITED

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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Click on any title and go straight to it.

(01) Against It
(02) Ain't It Funny...
(03) Bitch Track
(04) Blind Ambition
(05) Broken Love Song
(06) Brutal Possibility
(07) Captive Audience
(08) Caught In A Psychedelic Nightmare
(09) A Cautionary Tale (A Change Will Do You Good)
(10) Chain Reaction
(11) Cocaine And Cocktails
(12) Come To Holler
(13) Countdown To Extinction
(14) Dangerous
(15) Danger Zone
(16) Deflections #13
(17) Discoteca Rant
(18) Do A Bump
(19) Dream!?!#2
(20) Drinking To Be Clever
(21) Dutch Rainy Day Song
(22) The Edge Of Babylon
(23) Everybody Wants To Be A Dreamer
(24) Everything Is Pointless
(25) Excuse Me
(26)Extreme Paranoia
(27) Fadeaway Heart
(28) For You
(29) A Friendly Diatribe
(30) Garden Of Evil
(31) Give'em A Beat
(32) Grandmother
(33) Heartsong
(34) Helpin' Hand
(35) High Steppin' Woman
(36) I Am A Serial Killer
(37) I Could Be...
(38) I Dance...
(39) If I Told You
(40) I Got A Question
(41) I Just Want You To Know
(42) In Memoranium
(43) Insomniac
(44) I Oughta Know
(45) I Really Want
(46) I See
(47) I Seen It All
(48) Is That My Reflection?
(49) It Blows My Mind
(50) It Is Raining In Babylon Tonight
(51) I Thought You Were A Man
(52) It's A Mystery
(53) I Used To Be...
(54) I Was Just Standing Around And Thinking...
(55) Jah Is Calling
(56) Ja! The Queen Spoke
(57) Just A Thought
(58) Ladies And Gentlemen - Step Right Up!
(59) La Muetre Por Los Campescinos
(60) Like We're Still In High School
(61) Lovesick
(62) Major Sucker
(63) Mantra #666
(64) Merry "Fucking" Christmas
(65) Morally Reprehensible
(66) More Or Less
(67) Murder On Mind
(68) My Dream...
(69) My So-called Surreal Life
(70) 1984
(71) Ode To Another Dead Punk
(72) Oh Mama, Mama
(73) One Of Those Nights
(74) Our Father
(75) Outlaw Nation
(76) Perfect
(77) The Politics Of Skin
(78) Portrait Of A Tragedy
(79) Powder Queen
(80) Practical Joke #13
(81) Questions #6
(82) Questions Of A Madman Pondering Reality or (Life Is Bullshit)
(83) Rain Sleep
(84) Reflections
(85) Requiem For Eminem
(86) Rock'n'Roll Dreams
(87) Rock'n'Roll Forever
(88) Rock'n'Roll Queen
(89) Roll Of The Dice
(90) The Sad Tale Of An Aging Bitter Queen
(91) Silent Ears
(92) Sing The Song
(93) Sick Junkie Time
(94) Silence Of Eternity
(95) A Song For My Granddaddy
(96) A Song For The Unknown
(97) Sorry, But...
(98) Standing At The Edge
(99) Stop Counting Then
(100) The Storm Of The Eye
(101) Street Rats
(102) Stroke Of Luck
(103) The Cost Of Life
(104) The Terrorist Next Door
(105) Theme To An Imaginary Gay Bar
(106) There Ain't No Reason
(107) They Met At The Green Lantern
(108) They Say
(109) This Is A Poem
(110) Tired
(111) To Be Alive And Kicking
(112) The Toilet Song
(113) To J.S.
(114) Touch Me Like A Lover Again
(115) Travelguide
(116) The Tripper
(117) Trouble In Paradise
(118) A 21st Century Hangover
(119) The 21st Century Post-Modern Technological Totally Illogical Blues
(120) Unspoken Words
(121) Untitled #1
(122) Untitled #2
(123) Untitled #3
(124) Untitled #4
(125) Untitled #5
(126) Untitled #6
(127) The Vicious Queen Blues
(128) View To A Thrill
(129) Visions
(130) The War Song
(131) Welcome To My Plastic World
(132) What's Gonna Be On The Other Side
(133) When I Was A Child
(134) When I Was A Whore
(135) When I Wish
(136) The Wind Cries Darla
(137) Who's Gonna Pay The Price
(138) The Wind Cries Darla
(139) Woke Up This Morning
(140) You Better Think On This
(141) Your Life Get Serious
(142) Zero Hope

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AGAINST IT

I am against love
I am against hate
I am against the small
I am against the great
I am against the hands of fate

I am against junkies
I am against whores
I am against the rich
I am against the poor
I am against everyone that I deplore

I am against the straight
I am against the gay
I am against the night
I am against the day
I am against whatever you have to say

I am against reason
I am against rhyme
I am against the seeing
I am against the blind
I am against the sands of time

I am against the dead
I am against the living
I am against the selfish
I am against the giving
I am against the sound of your breathing

I am against heaven
I am against hell
I am against the quiet
I am against the loud as hell
I am against those who live to tell

I am against whatever you got
I am against it whether you like it or not...



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AIN'T IT FUNNY...

Ain't it funny...
How tangle the webs we weave
can be
Ain't it funny...
How somethings aren't always what they
seem to be
Ain't it funny...
How you can be blind even though
you can still see
Ain't it funny...

Sometimes
I think I waste too much time
watching the world
pass me by
I can see all the faces
all the colors, all the races
looking so desperately
trying to find something
to fill their empty spaces
Everybody seems to have
their own private little hell
that they work so hard to hide
because they're afraid to tell
to tell the world what's on
the inside...

According to the television
sex and money
is what makes the world turn
It seems that everyone
has a bridge to burn
So I am just counting the seconds
until I get my turn
to put in my two cents worth
to speak my mind
to tell the world a thing or two
but don't ask me
what I think of you
I might not give
the answer that you
want
me to...

Ain't it funny...
How tangle the webs we weave
can be
Ain't it funny...
How somethings aren't always what they
seem to be
Ain't it funny...
How you can be blind even though
you can still see
Ain't it funny...

Do you ever wonder
where your life is going to lead
Are you afraid to bleed
Do you ever wonder
where you'll be
when you're at death's door
did you expect your life
to be what it is today
Do you have anything
worthwhile to say
and would anybody
listen anyways...

Ain't it funny...
How tangle the webs we weave
can be
Ain't it funny...
How somethings aren't always what they
seem to be
Ain't it funny...
How you can be blind even though
you can still see
Ain't it funny...

1998

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BITCH TRACK

I'm a dirty bitch from the dirty south
and yeah
I got a filthy mouth
and yeah
I like to work it out
and yeah
I would make you scream and shout
and yeah
I could make all of your fantasies come true
doing the things to you
that would make you sweat
and get all wet
but you ain't there yet
so keep your hands to yourself
if you have any concerns for your health.

Call me a bitch
Call me a whore
Call me a tease
But you are the one
on your knees
begging please!

I ain't blind to the fact
that you got a dirty mind
but where do you think you're at
it's true that I like sex
just as much as you
but I got standards
and you ain't got a clue
and if you only knew
what I really think of you
I can imagine what you would do.

I'm a dirty bitch from the dirty south
and yeah
I got a filthy mouth
and yeah
I like to work it out
and yeah
I would make you scream and shout
and yeah
I could make all of your fantasies come true
doing the things to you
that would make you sweat
and get all wet
but you ain't there yet
so keep your hands to yourself
if you have any concerns for your health.

Call me a bitch
Call me a whore
Call me a tease
But you are the one
on your knees
begging please!



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BLIND AMBITION

Front row seats
At a rock-n-roll show
A young boy is losing control
Stars in his eyes
Dreams in his head
Electric thunder from the stage
Tells his friends he's gonna
Be there one day
Stars in his eyes
Dreams in his head
Blinded
He can't be stop
Thinks he's going to the top

Rock-n-Roll dreams - Sometimes come true
Rock-n-Roll dreams - For the lucky few
Rock-n-Roll dreams - Don't get carried away

Wants to sing his song
Is that wrong
Play electric guitar
Be a rock-n-roll star
Pretty women and fast cars
Stacks of money to the sky
Thinks he can fly
All play and no work
So he thinks
He can't see the lies
Because of the stars in his eyes

Rock-n-Roll dreams - Sometimes come true
Rock-n-Roll dreams - For the lucky few
Rock-n-Roll dreams - Don't get carried away

Backstage pass
Front page story
He's on the rise
He believes the lies
Stars in his eyes
Dreams in his head
Shooting star burning brightly
Rock-n-Roll glory
Hear the crowd's cries
Stars in his eyes
Dreams in his head
Here today
Gone tomorrow
Life in the fast lane
Gonna take him away!

Rock-n-Roll dreams - Sometimes come true
Rock-n-Roll dreams - For the lucky few
Rock-n-Roll dreams - Don't get carried away!



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BROKEN LOVE SONG

I don't want to hurt you
I don't want to break your heart
If only you could see in my head
See the secrets inside
Then maybe you, maybe you will realize
I never really wanted to
Say goodbye

The memories of your kisses
sparkle like diamonds
in the corners of my mind
I will always remember
the time we spent together
like it was yesterday

I don't want to hurt you
I don't want to break your heart
I don't want to play games
because they tear me apart
What I am trying to say baby
Is you and me got to go our
separate ways
Oh ooh I....
I don't want to hurt you
I don't want to break your heart.



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BRUTAL POSSIBILITY

Everybody is talking about a revolution
Peace and love and a final solution
Singing songs about human rights now
And how they are gonna tear the wall of injustice down
So when I listen to what they say
It seems to me, it seems to be
All words and no actions
All talk and no reactions
Lady Liberty seems to me, she seems to be
in traction.

Peace and love has been replaced by
Pieces and drugs
Shoot first and ask no questions
Anytime, anyplace
You could be the next victim
It is a brutal possibility
A brutal possibility.

This ain't no movie or TV show
The time is now and it's time to go
Reality becomes insanity in a revolution
Would you pull the trigger and kill a cop
When you know this revolution
He is suppose to stop
It is a brutal possibility
A brutal possibility.



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CAPTIVE AUDIENCE

Oh no
here we go
captive audience
in your one-man horror show
bite my tongue
shake my head
close my eyes
wish you were dead.

You say you got Jesus in your soul
but you got the Devil in your mouth
you are lucky I got thick skin
and I can vent my frustration
with my poison pen
even though I know
it's a sin
fool me once
shame on you
fool me twice
shame on me
because I am the one
who decided
to join your insanity.

Oh no
here we go
captive audience
in your one-man horror show
bite my tongue
shake my head
close my eyes
wish you were dead.

I am junkie
hear me roar
I don't know why
I even do it anymore
trapped in a cage with a tiger
just to get higher
but that ain't no defense
when I hear the laughter at my expense
I must be dense
but that's what I get
for sitting on the fence
sticks and stones
may break my bones
but words aren't supposed
to hurt me.

Oh no
here we go
captive audience
in your one-man horror show
bite my tongue
shake my head
close my eyes
wish you were dead.

The rumours fly to a disco beat
and the only thing uglier
is your conceit
as you sit on your stool
week after week
making catty remarks
thinking you are so smart
in the dark
make me your clown
make me your scapegoat
but just remember
one day
on your hate
you will choke
and I will try my best
not to gloat.

Oh no
here we go
captive audience
in your one-man horror show
bite my tongue
shake your head
close my eyes
wish you were dead.



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CAUGHT IN A PSYCHEDELIC NIGHTMARE

I am caught in a psychedelic nightmare
got old
went crazy
and worst of all
lost my hair...

I am caught in a psychedelic nightmare
the drugs did their damage
oh how did I manage
I swear I did not have an advantage
I am caught in a psychedelic nightmare...

I hit the streets a'running at an early age
I was busting out of the cage that my mother built for me
and the fabricated life that I created in my head
when I pretended I was dead
when her hate and pain rained down on me
as I shed my invisible tears
to drown my fears
that were growing like a poison
deep inside of me
threatening to deface me
disgrace me
erase me
make me disappear
because...

I am caught in a psychedelic nightmare
and I am acutely aware
of how just unfair life can be
but that is just how it goes
when you step on the wrong toes
and the evil grows
until the devil's dancing
dancing on my grave
and I am nothing more
than a slave to the sins of the past
because I am fading fast
wondering if the next breath
is my last...

I am caught in a psychedelic nightmare
trying to become self-aware
truth or dare
how did I get here from there
because my memory is not very clear
and I fear the worst is yet to come
and I do not mean to sound dumb
but how could you know
where I am coming from
because I am
caught in a psychedelic nightmare
got old
went crazy
and worst of all
lost my hair
but what do you care
you are not my friend anyway
and if you had your say
you would deface me
disgrace me
erase me
make me disappear
like it was my fault
for being queer
oh dear
the end is near...

So I told myself
I was going to walk away
from this game
I no longer wanted to play
I just had to open my eyes
and look to the horizon
and let the light shine in
and let the new day begin
So I am no longer caught
in a psychedelic nightmare
because I am
someone
going somewhere
I have paid my fare...

So I am no longer caught
in a psychedelic nightmare
no longer caught
no longer caught
in a psychedelic nightmare
no longer caught
no longer caught
no longer caught
in a psychedelic nightmare!



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A CAUTIONARY TALE (A CHANGE WILL DO YOU GOOD)

I grew up a boy wonder turned high school nerd
then off to college where I discovered
punk rock and drugs
hit the road
to be a wannabe rock'n'roll star
only to turn into a million dollar coke whore
and to quote Jimi Hendrix
"ninety miles a hour is the speed I drive"
and it is hard to believe that I am still alive
it was one step forward
then two steps backwards
and a mouth full of lies
turned me into a monster
I lost my friends
I lost my place
I fell from grace
a very public disgrace
with absolutely no way to save face.

So it was into the gutter a son without a mother
I was comfortably numb
with an appetite for destruction
and I was going nowhere fast
on the non-stop to nowhere
and I didn't care if I lived or died
I just wanted to get high
and nothing or no one could stop me
not even the one who loved me the most
because I had hit rock-bottom
practically penniless and almost homeless
and yet
I still wanted to get.....

Finally the day came
when the one who loved me the most
could not take it anymore
and told me that I had to make a choice
I could hear it in his voice
this was my last chance
or I would be left alone out in the cold
without a place to call home
things could not get any darker
but somehow I began to wake up
and took a long look at myself
and could not believe what I saw
what happened to me
did I really give in so easily
a shadow of my former self
the real me gathering dust on a shelf
how did I become such a waste of space
was that really my face
looking back at me in the mirror
suddenly things seemed clearer
than they did before
and I realized it was up to me to pull myself
off the floor
if I wanted to be something more than what
I was
which at the time was nothing more
than a junkie
a dirty lost soul
spinning out of control
on a collision course with death.....

But I heard a little voice in my head
whispering
a change will do you good
so step up and be a man and make a stand
against the demons that have
possessed your soul
take charge
rise above
love yourself
a change will do you good
of course, it's gonna be hard to break the grip
that your master has on your life
it's gonna be a struggle and you might even slip
but you got to keep on pushing
to break the chains that keep you a slave
with one foot in the grave
so just remember
a change will do you good.....

So wake up to a brand new day
because you want to go forward
instead of backwards
but a change does not happen overnight
or without a fight
you have to put one foot in front of the other
and take it one day at a time
and hold your head high
and to some people maybe even apologize
but the past is the past and cannot be changed
but tomorrow is a different story
you can be a better person
but it is all up to you
so be careful how you choose
because it is so easy to go down
the wrong path
because history has a bad habit
of repeating itself
and you do not want to make
the same mistakes again
because once is enough
so you got to hang tough
because a change will do you good.....

I have come a long way from the little boy
that I used to be all those years ago
when my dreams were as big as the sky
and bright as the sun
as I set out on this journey called life
maybe I took a few wrong turns
maybe I let the devil get the best of me
but here I am today
and I found my way back
I might be a little worse for the wear
I might have shed a million tears
but I am still standing
and I will live to tell
how I escaped from hell
to tell you my cautionary tale
I am not trying to preach
only teach
because a change will do you good
it took many years
for me to learn this for myself
now that I got it together
the only way for me
is up
and I am never going to look back
so all you people
out there
just be aware
the world can be a dangerous place
so take control of your fate
because you would not want
to walk a mile in my shoes
because the moral of this cautionary tale
is that
a change will do you good!



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CHAIN REACTION

That look you give me
Sends chills down my spine
Don't ever set me free
Cause I want you to be mine

It's a ch-ch-ch-chain reaction
It's so electrifying
It's a ch-ch-ch-chain reaction
You got my heart flying

You were full of tenderness
When you sat me on fire
That first passionate kiss
Has sent me even higher

It's a ch-ch-ch-chain reaction
It's so electrifying
It's a ch-ch-ch-chain reaction
You got my heart flying

Don't ever leave my side
I could never forget you
No matter how I tried
I always want to be with you

It's a ch-ch-ch-chain reaction
It's so electrifying
It's a ch-ch-ch-chain reaction
You got my heart flying



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COCAINE AND COCKTAILS

Cocaine and cocktails
sexually explicit tall tales
featuring a soundtrack by Madonna
singing live to tell
disco balls and flashing lights
endless beat, endless night
Hey Mr. DJ play a little faster
keep us dancing as we flirt with disaster
Hey Mr. DJ we're slaves to the rhythm
and you are the master
so keep it coming - faster and faster

Cocaine and cocktails
riding the hot rails to hell
thinking a pretty face and a big dick
will make you rich
but bitch
that will only get you so far
because you got to have talent
to be a superstar
just because some man fucks you
that doesn't mean that he loves you
and deep down
you know it's true
oh yes you do

Cocaine and cocktails
twisted and tweaked
until you can barely speak
just a faggot soap opera
seven days a week
Yes I am guilty as sin
but I can remember what I said
and where I have been
Yes I make the same mistakes
again and again
So talk about me behind my back
bear your claws and go on the attack
that just means I won't feel bad
when I drop you
in your tracks

Cocaine and cocktails
sexually explicit tall tales
it's so sad but I know this scenario so well
and I have seen thousands of bitches
like you come and go
just a bunch of freaks in a circus sideshow
and I hate to say I told you so
because unlike you
I will survive
because I got God and love
on my side
and I ain't being snide

Cocaine and cocktails
Riding the hot rails to hell
Cocaine and cocktails
Sexually explicit tall tales
Cocaine and cocktails
Happy Trails.



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COME TO HOLLER

Call your mother!
Call your father!
I come to holler...
We are all sisters and brothers
and we are supposed to love one another
but we got our minds on our money
and our money on our minds
in these dangerous times
dying begins at birth
and there is never enough
to quench our thirst
more, more, more
is all that anyone anywhere seems to want
I hate to be so blunt
but the truth can hurt
state of emergency
red alert
the clock is ticking
and I don't want to be your victim
so don't blame me
blame the system
it wasn't my invention
because if you want to go to heaven
you got to do more than pray to get in
it's not my fault
living is a life sentence
truth or dare
there are always consequences

Call your sister!
Call your brother!
I come to holler...
Sex and money make the world go round
they say justice is blind
but the innocent are sold by the pound
and no one seems to mind
killing is big business
and big business is making a killing
starting wars in the name of God
the powers that be
count their money with a wink and a nod
everything has a price
and everyone has a vice
divide and conquer
and charge them twice
right wing
left wing
middle of the road
countdown to hypocrisy
apocalyptic insanity
day by day
hour by hour
the taste in your mouth gets more sour
I wish I had the power.

Call your neighbor!
Call your enemy!
I come to holler...
Beauty is only skin deep
regardless if you are strong or weak
the truth is what we all should seek
there ain't no reason for the treason
we all commit on a daily basis
and we all need to face this
you got your opinion
and I got mine
you can sit on your ass and whine
or you can lead by example
and be kind
I think Jesus once said
love thy neighbor
and do unto others
as you would have them do unto you
but only time will tell
if anything I just said is true
or if I am just
a fool
without a clue
call your mother
call your father
I come to holler.



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COUNTDOWN TO EXTINCTION

Is this the countdown to extinction
being delivered to us by digital connections
the past is the future once again
what is old is new
once again
the television says
there's an enemy around every corner
a bomb waiting to explode
a child with a gun
everybody on the run.

Is this the countdown to extinction
a cyberspace nightmare
an e-mail virus infection
can I get a connection
does anybody really care
everywhere I look
all I see
is everyone staring at a computer screen
it's so obscene
don't they know they are human beings.

Is this the countdown to extinction
or have I been sorely mis-informed
I tried so hard
but I couldn't conform
I tried to take the world by storm
but sound the alarm
or surely someone is going to come to harm.

Is this the countdown to extinction
and if it is
I got a question for each
and every one of you
as sure as the grass is green
and the sky blue
cross my heart and hope to die
if these words I say
are not true
I will surely burn in hell
with you!

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DANGEROUS

Dangerous
Dangerous
Dangerously pretty
and pretty dangerous
and quite contagious
It fascinates us,
it enrages us and it engages us,
it tantalizes us
To see someone go for bust
the sin of lust
the loss of trust
It's all so much and so sad
that the world has gone mad
and lost touch with what we had
back in the Garden of Eden
but now the world lies bleeding
Guns and bullets and bombs
every where you turn
someone is trying to do someone else harm
so sound the alarm
the devil's knocking on the front door
and the world is becoming a place I deplore
because it's dangerous...

Dangerous
Dangerous
Dangerously pretty
and pretty dangerous
and quite contagious
It fascinates us,
it enrages us and it engages us,
it tantalizes us
And I hate to make a fuss
but as my grandmother used to say
it's enough to make a preacher cuss
and it ain't asking too much
if each and every one of us
would just take the time
to remember that love is supposed
to make the world go round
and I know how this may sound
but I am duty-bound to spread the truth around
so I guess that makes me dangerous
Dangerous
Dangerously pretty
and pretty dangerous
I hope I am quite contagious
the truth is dangerous
Dangerous
Pretty and dangerous
Dangerous
Dangerous.

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DANGER ZONE

Living in the danger zone
can cut you right to the bone
Living in the danger zone
It's sure a long way from home
when you are living in the
danger zone.

Boys kissing boys
and girls kissing girls
some people act like we're from
different worlds.

Did you hear what
the preacher man said
can't believe some of the things
he's putting in people's heads.

But we're living in the danger zone
and you know it can
cut you to the bone
because we're living in the danger zone
and it's a long way from home.

The things they told me
when I was young
they said it would help me to grow up
to be strong
but boy, were they wrong
but people are strange
and everything in between
if you know what I mean...

Because when you're living in the danger zone
You better know it can cut you to the bone
because living in the danger zone
means you can never go home.



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DEFLECTIONS #13

So here I am in the Southland on vacation
at an resort island for privileged
seemingly cultured and genteel white people
and it is only a mirage for hell
my heart aches
I am excruciatingly lonely
only my lover's voice on the
answering machine
gives me
miniscule
relief
I came here a few days
ago
To get away from
my job
and the city
to write and paint
and I only find
I miss the noise
the proximity
of the trappings
of life
the bars
the clubs
the busy streets
the sounds of sirens
in the distance
the smell of trash, urine, and exotic spices
the chatter of
foreigh voices
the variety of faces
here I only have
the bird songs
the buzz of insects
the glare of white people
seeing my hair
the distrust and fear
from the "Negroes"
(as they are politely called here)
because I
a white man
had the audacity
to look at them
as my equal
and not speak to them
in a subservient manner
I feel fear everywhere
I almost expect the Ku Klux Klan
to lynch me any minute
my friends
don't seem as much of friends
as we used to be
maybe I'm just paranoid
subtle
insidious
jokes about sexual preference
plague our conversation
like mosquitoes
maybe it's the heat
it's late
no it's early
for the sun is creeping
into the sky
I can't
No - couldn't sleep
the clock ticks
slowly
and I must be patient
for I shall be
home
soon
to all the noise
clutter, sounds,
and smell
that make me
feel alive.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



DISCOTECA RANT

Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
You stole it from somebody else's song
and that is wrong
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music

Hey Mr. DJ
Give me a beat I can walk to
so I can hit the dancefloor
and make all the bitches gawk like fools
Hey Mr. DJ
Let that record play
I got something to say
I got the need to read
so all you bitches better take heed
Now get on your hands and knees
and bow before me
I got the glamour and my beauty
will hit you like a hammer!

Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
Write your own damn beats
and oh yeah
maybe a melody
Ooh! I believe...
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music

I maybe old
but you bitches have been bought and sold
I hate to sound cold
but these things you need to be told
Yes I did that
Yes I said that
That was then and this is now
I know what I am talking about
not always right
but never in doubt!

So shut da fuck up - that ain't music
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
What the hell is wrong with you
I gave that song you like
a listen or two
but shit is shit
you tone-deaf fool
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music

Hey Mr. DJ
I think it is time to wind up this song
so give me a beat I can walk to
Push that fader
make the speakers go boom
Tear the roof off this sucker
and blow up this room
Time for one last sashay
as I make my way across the floor
laughing at all you bitches and whores
I am beautiful dammit!
Shut da fuck up - that ain't music
shut da fuck up
that ain't music
shut da
shut da
Shut da fuck up!



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



DO A BUMP

Trolls and bats
junkies and gymrats
too much drama
it's so tragic
twisted and tweaked
it's no wonder that I am freaked
dealers and squealers
losers and creeps
haven't slept a wink in a week
afraid of turning into a piece
of rotten meat
oh, ain't that sweet...

Do a bump
to the disco thump
everybody jump
jump into that k-hole bitch
I want to see you twirl...

I hope it was worth the price
for you to see the sights
in your endless nights
I hope your wicked ways
don't come back to haunt you
especially when you are all alone
and nobody wants you...

Whores and johns
divas and icons
soap opera lifestyle
some people are so vile
and make it so hard to smile
drunks and drag queens
perverts and dope fiends
this might sound like the kettle
calling the pot black
but the last straw always
breaks the camel's back...

Do another bump
to the disco thump
hit the floor
try to dance
but you can't find your arms
don't forget
you were warned...

I hope you are having a good time
losing your mind
I hope your wicked ways
do not swallow you up
and spit you out
and no one hears the words
coming out of your mouth...

Faghags and sad sacks
motormouths and suits on crack
nothing is real
and life has lost its thrill
and it cannot be fixed with a pill
fagbashers and homo homophobes
politicians and judges robes
with headlines contrived
the government connives
and the public buys the lies
even when the truth
bites them on the ass
and still
to that sinking ship they cling fast
its so sad
I only hope
this madness does not last...

So do another bump
to the disco thump
shake your body
and sing la de dah di
everybody's free
but between you and me
they live in an alternative reality
because real life is not like
what we see on TV
so scream and shout all you like
because deep down
you know I am right...



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



DREAM!?!#2

There's a picture - on the wall
There's a party - rocking next door
See the walls - watch them shake
See my mind - smell it bake

Senses reeling - lying on the floor
Senses feeling - brain went on tour

Hear my mind - feel it think
Hear what I saw - see it in pink
There's a party - it's almost four
There's a picture - watch it fall

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DRINKING TO BE CLEVER

It's another case of classic denial
passive aggressive
Would you like to see my file?

We all have roles we play
I know sometimes I talk way
too much
and other times
I have nothing to say
and then again I am
drinking to be clever
until one of us walks away
rolling eyes
sneering
whatever!

Dancing around the obvious
oh the drama and the fuss
it's enough to make a preacher cuss
are you on or off the bus?

I sometimes am scary
but mary...
must you be so contrary
truth or dare
do you care
stuck in the middle
going nowhere!

It's all a big lie
and it's so hard
not to mock the crocodile tears
that you cry
but I am the type of faggot
built to last
and the die has been cast
you ain't the first
and you won't be the last
so try to come for me!

I've been to hell
and dealing with you is easy
and I can bring you to your knees
tears in your eyes
begging please
I am the cure and I am the disease
and how dare you
think that you know who I am
and what I need to be
to fit in your limited view
of reality!

I hate to sound old
and I know
you don't like being told
but......

I am biting my tongue
alcohol makes me high-strung
why oh why
can't we all get along!

Maybe I should put my pen down
because I rather smile
than frown!

It's another case of classic denial
passive aggressive
Would you like to see my file!



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DUTCH RAINY DAY SONG

So here I am
living large in Amsterdam
hotel room
zoom zoom
smoking hash
under glass
with a raisin
a staple
and a match.

So here I am
Residence Le Coin
feeling fine
living in another time
singing this simple rhyme
I could be a coward
or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar
or I could be a zero.

I got the television on
and some woman is singing
a sad song
about someone's life
gone wrong
so horribly wrong
some living on the edge
some the living dead
staying alive by giving head
that is so sad
but its got to be said
I could be a coward
or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar
or I could be a zero.

Now I am going to have
another smoke
have a laugh at another joke
maybe turn on the news
just to see
how bad things have gotten to be
maybe check if the weatherman
says there is going to be sun
because I am in the mood for fun
come on everyone
let's all get it on
you could be a coward
I could be a coward
or you could be a hero
or I could be a hero
you could be a superstar
I could be a superstar
or you could be a zero
or I could be a zero.

So here I am
living large in Amsterdam
to the Van Gogh
I have to go go
even though
the weather is so-so
and since I was kind of high
I decided to walk
and let the time fly
hoping to get lucky
just this one time
and meet someone
to help pass the time by
I could be a coward
or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar
or I could be a zero.

1.21.2003

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THE EDGE OF BABYLON

The ancient ones
stood in a circle
singing the song
of the dead
ones

The silent children
wept tears
that fell to the
ground
like stones

The sullen women
cried out prayers
that fell
on
silent ears

Visions of snakes
crawling in circles
licking the wounds
of the damned
as they cried for
mercy
filled the head
of the magic
one

The men are gone
innocent lambs
sacrificed
to the beast
for honor and
glory

Where are the prophets?
Who stole their tongues?

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EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A DREAMER

I'm not quite sure
where to begin this story
but it needs to be told
to the young and the old
the shy and the bold
the hot and the cold
lessons that they did not teach you
in school
words of wisdom
to prevent you from being a fool
so take a listen now
i will tell you how...

Everybody wants to be a dreamer
Everybody wants to be a lover
Everybody wants to discover
the secret to happiness
I hope everyone has the same wish
for everyone else
because I know I do...I do...

Everyone has someone they miss
Everyone has someone they want to kiss
Everyone wants the sun to shine
Everyone wants to speak their mind

If only we all had the time
to do things right
but the days run into the nights
and no one
is taking the time to see the sights
try as we might
if only we all had the time
to do things right
maybe the world would be a better place
for the whole human race
because when I wish upon a star
this is what I wish for
from the bottom of my heart
I hope the world doesn't fall apart
Because...

Everybody wants to be a dreamer
Everybody wants to be a lover
Everybody wants to discover
the secret to happiness
I hope everyone has the same wish
for everyone else
because I know I do...I do...



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



EVERYTHING IS POINTLESS

Everything is pointless
because time is relentless
too many
whos, whats, whens, wheres, and whys
too many
brutal truths, half-truths, and full-out lies
oh why...my...my...

Everything is pointless
and the only thing worst
is being jointless
maybe I shouldn't speak my mind
maybe I shouldn't tell you to kiss my behind
I just don't want to hear you whine
it's the same damn story every time
and I just don't
want to be
unkind
so if you don't mind...

Everything is pointless
and I am trying my best
to navigate this world
amongst the people that I hate
oh great
I know that it isn't particularly politically correct
but I have always been one who is direct
especially when it comes to saying
what I got to say
so if you don't want to hear it
just walk away...

Everything is pointless
Everything is pointless
Everything is pointless

Is the glass half-full
or is it half-empty
the eternal question
and it has always annoyed
the hell out of me
never got the point
and what the hell does it
have to do with
anything anyway
so shut the fuck up okay...

Everything is pointless
And I blame God
Everything is pointless
Life is such a fraud
Everything is pointless
And I blame God
Everything is pointless
Everything is pointless
Everything is pointless
Everything is pointless
Everything is pointless
Everything is pointless...



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



EXCUSE ME

Hello, excuse me...
I don't mean to interrupt but you need to listen up
I hate to tell you this
but you don't know what you are talking about
because I can't believe
what I just heard you say.
It's no wonder you scare people away
I just thought you might like to know
I can tell you want to tell me where I can go
but I know you know what I am talking about
because it is not that hard to be nice
maybe if you smiled once in a while
someone would want to be your friend
and you wouldn't end up alone
again and again.

So roll your eyes
and look down your nose at me
and like the song says
who the hell are you to treat me like that
I know where my head's at
but you're trying to throw shade
like you made
but you are going to get played
I don't mean to come across as a vicious queen
and I don't want to cause a scene
I know I should bite my tongue
because I have been known to be wrong
but I am never in doubt
no matter how much I run my mouth
maybe I should be more considerate
of your feelings
and overlook your dirty dealings
because I have been known to break
a rule or two
but the difference between me and you
is that I know when I am being a fool...

Hello, excuse me...
I don't mean to interrupt but you need to listen up...



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


EXTREME PARANOIA

Extreme paranoia
I hope this story don't bore ya...

It was early morning
did not even have an early warning
In my bed
dreams in my head

Listen closely don't be misled
With a bang and a knock
the beast broke the lock
With an order and a command
a shout and a bark
Wide awake made to stand
the boys in blue
wanted to know my plan
what was I doing
what was I saying
what games was I playing
why did I know this
person
why did he know me
I was guilty without
copping a plea
I just had to be
why else would he and me
be we

The logic of the illogic
can be tragic to a faggot
the stopping of time
imaginary crimes
they need something
to make their
day go by

The feeling had me illing
just wanted to be chilling
who do I know
what did I do
It says here...
yer just a little queer
we got the pictures
we got the facts
we got you by the balls - boy
just give us the axe

Extreme paranoia

dancing in the shadows
a mystery game
everybody thinks I'm insane
no brain, no pain
but nobody ever really listens
to me
to even halfway feel
what I hear
and see

So I go laughing
and singing
lying and flying
sheba hebe webe
hebephrenia
dancing and prancing
wishing for romancing

The dictionary says
hebephrenia is
schizophrenia characterized
by funny mannerisms, delusions
hallucinations, and regressive
behavior

I just wanna sing my song

as a joke
to make you choke
my new band is called
the 3 of me and the
hebephrenics

*

I am a real cynic
sometimes the alarm rings
the radio comes on
classic rock
shlock
I lay there
wanting to move
needing to move
got to move
but I just lay there
paralyzed
as if the lilliputians
had tied me down
with thousands of
miniature ropes

I realize I am late for work
but I lay there
dreaming foggy dreams
of a boy so far away
not caring that I have to
be at work
I make up some bizarre
story
to tell my boss
and the co-workers
I go to work
I stand - I smile
I work

Extreme paranoia

looking for an excuse
looking for someplace
to lay the blame
when - if I open my eyes
I see the lies
the alibis
and the I don't know whys

I laugh
like a fool
I pretend
I am nine years old...

Hebephrenic
can you dig it
meet the headguests
they think they
know what is best

Yolanda Jones
She be def and chill
bust on her
and whack she will
acting like a skeezer
a real cock teaser
but nobody sees hers

The Ice Princess
all the way gone
with looks that kill
a freakin' body
getting ill
out on the scene
rocking like a cold wind
putting heads in spin

Freddie K.
wanting to go all
the way
slice and dice
the rush of blood
is so nice

Jimijam
rapping and flapping
flipping and tripping
rocking the streets
just a'zipping

hebephrenia
I ain't kiddin' ya
I can be your favorite
fantasy
or your worst nightmare
and
I don't care

I guard the streets at night
the new messiah
the paul revere of the
damned

but it is really not me
but it is
I hide in my den
sleep all day
play all night

dancing on the edge
all along the walls
of babylon
and I babble on
from my ivory
tower of babel

demons disguised as
dark assassins
hide behind my eyes
minds like smoldering
guns
plotting the suicide
of God

eyes stare into the
darkness
seeking to sate
an unknown hunger
that has plagued
the human soul
since the days of Adam

I smile
laughing like a fool
I have forgotten
pain
and feel nothing
but the silence
of eternity

*

I lay in my madness
pulling the trigger a thousand times
my thoughts are as black as
the night
with only the cool breeze
blowing in my window
to remind me I was not
in hell
I smell virgin blood
choking my sanity
with lost innocence
I dreamed I died with
a needle in my arm
as heavy metal poison
filled my head
with laughing
dancing demons

I see tears etching
trails of pain and sorrow
on my face
I send prayers to heaven
hoping they don't
fall on
deaf ears
I sing a song to my mother
asking her why
I see the sun
starting to rise
I thought I saw
angels
dancing
on the horizon.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



FADEAWAY HEART

Sometimes
at the weirdest
times
I think of you
and I wonder why
maybe if I
said it different
you would
still be here
with me.

What would
I have said
what would
I have done
what price
would I pay
to have you
here
today.

A different beat
a different time
a different scene
a different rhyme
a love that fits
like a glove
a love from
above
a love from
above.

The weirdest things
in the weirdest places
at the weirdest times
remind me of you
remind me of time
remind me of
yesterday
remind me when
remind me when
you were
mine.

They say that
it is better
to have loved
then lost
than not to have
loved at all
well I just don't
know
about that
because you will
always
have the memories
the memories
of a broken heart.

Sometimes
at the weirdest
times
I think of you
and I wonder why
maybe if I
said it different
you would
still be here
with me.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



FOR YOU

Thinking of you just the other day
Wishing I could see your face
I hope you never have to go away
What we have is too special to share
Cause you seem to be my only care
Visions of you are dancing in my head
Something I could never replace
I just don't want you to be mislead

For you - I sing this song
For you - My love is strong
For you - Don't get me wrong

You got so much you want to give
Don't want to be forgotten and put on a shelf
If only others would let you live
A free spirit unwilling to bend
A head full of wonderful dreams
Achievable if others let you be yourself
Your head isn't empty as it seems

For you - I sing this song
For you - My love is strong
For you - Don't get me wrong

Like a shining light in the sea of darkness
You lifted me up when I was down
Gave me hope when my life was a mess
I hold you so dear to my heart
I hope we never have to part
Thinking of you my heart starts to fly
Because you wipe away my frown
You make me realize I can touch the sky

For you - I sing this song
For you - My love is strong
For you - Don't get me wrong



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



A FRIENDLY DIATRIBE

Yeah I got a history
Yeah I got a past
So I am going to live my life
like every minute is my last
You bring the sticks
I'll bring the stones and together
We can break each others bones.

I don't want to be your boogyman
I don't want to be your scapegoat
But if you come for me
I will go for your throat
and hang you with your own rope
So I just hope
you get the message and take note...

Yeah I got attitude
Yeah I can be quite rude
So I am going to tell you how I stand
So take it like a man
if you can
You bring the sticks
I'll bring the stones and together
We can break each others bones.

I don't want to be your enemy
But I don't want to be your friend
either
So I better take a breather
before I do something I would regret
So I better let my anger go
before I dig a hole
and bury my soul...

Yeah I got a history
Yeah I got a past
So I am going to live my life
like every minute is my last
You bring the sticks
I'll bring the stones and together
We can break each others bones.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



GARDEN OF EVIL

I will never forget the day
I found myself lost in your garden of evil
I almost cried when I realized
that I only had myself to blame
I didn't stop and see
When I gave up my liberty to the lady in white
Trapped in an endless night
Because this ain't right
Did I want to pay the price
It began with a kiss
And then somehow it got to this
If I get to leave alive
I'm gonna have to strive
If I am gonna thrive
Outside your garden of evil.

You had me laughing until I was crying
You had me until I was dying
Dying to meet you
Trying to beat you
Lady in white
Devil's delight
Adrenalin rush
Heart attack
Statistic ballistic
Broken artifact
Keep your soul intact
It's a fact she'll greet you
It's a fact she'll beat you
It's a fact she'll eat you
It's a fact
keep your soul intact.

I will never forget
The day I found myself
Lost in your garden of evil.



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GIVE'EM A BEAT

Give'em a beat that will make'em jump
Give'em a beat that will make the speakers pump
Give'em a beat that will make'em jump
Give'em a beat that will make'em feel the thump

It's quarter til midnight in a world gone mad
So many lost souls looking for whatever can be had
Looking for love in all the wrong places
in a futile attempt to cover all their bases
I can't help it but all I see
are the ghosts behind their eyes
Hoping no one can see through their
carefully constructed alibis
But every now and then a few let the sun shine in
so that the healing can begin
So let's take it to the dancefloor
Moving and grooving
Music can be so soothing
So let your bodies go and feel the flow
and let the love grow
We all need it now more than we know
So I'm gonna give'em a beat...

Give'em a beat that will make'em jump
Give'em a beat that will make the speakers pump
Give'em a beat that will make'em jump
Give'em a beat that will make'em feel the thump

Now it's getting later, the DJ is pushing the fader
The crowd is getting loose
now that they are full of juice
The politics of dancing has nothing to do with the truth
and it ain't no use in getting caught up
forgetting your manners and mouthing off
It seems some people forget
you can't always get what you want
no matter how hard you try
Because when you live a lie
It's impossible to see eye to eye
So take it to the dancefloor
and shake your body like a whore
work it hard and work it easy
Laugh in their faces when they say you're acting sleazy
So let the music use you up
let it take you to the top
because this feeling doesn't have to stop
So I'm gonna give'em a beat...

Give'em a beat that will make'em jump
Give'em a beat that will make the speakers pump
Give'em a beat that will make'em jump
Give'em a beat that will make'em feel the thump

Now it's last call
feel like I'm in Rome before the fall
an unwilling witness to a psychosexual free-for-all
There are barbarians at the door
and I wanna scream I can't take it no more
but I got my back up against the wall
trying to make sense of it all
The gaming, the shaming, the blaming
and other things I'm not naming
Someone once said accentuate the positive
but I bet they never had to live through this
upside down and inside out
would someone please stop this ride
I want to get off
I don't want to feel like this anymore
sick and tired of being treated like a whore
and dear God...you are such a bore
making it so hard for me to remember
the Golden Rule
So hit the floor and sweat like a dancing fool
and let the rhythm rule
So I'm gonna give'em a beat...

Give'em a beat that will make'em jump
Give'em a beat that will make the speakers pump
Give'em a beat that will make'em jump
Give'em a beat that will make'em feel the thump



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GRANDMOTHER

Although you never really did
know my face
In my heart you hold a special
place
A blanket of warmth, a gift
of love
I hope the Lord is smiling
above.

In Abram's bosom, I hope
you abide
Saved by the grace of God
The daughters of the Devil will
run and hide
Doomed by the wrath of God
Time is on your side.

Although you never knew
what to say
You showed love in your
own way
You will always have all
my love
I hope the Lord is
smiling above.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



HEARTSONG

Sometimes late at night
when I got nothing to do
and I am kind of bored
I step out
of my front door
and walk down to the corner
to my favorite bar
where the homosexual men
with their homosexual eyes
stare at me as I walk by
I drink my beer
and I smile
watching them wish
they was the one
who could drive me
wild.

I met a man
who said he was a politician
a pillar of the community
he wanted to know
where I stood
on the issues of the time
I told him
I thought it was a crime
The way we took the blame
for a disease
that brought us to our knees
from the fear of a nation
We hang our heads in shame
because this
disease of the weakened
immunity
strikes without impunity
with stolen breaths
another friend
faces
death.

Later that night
laying in bed next to my lover
with my head on his shoulder
Staring at the ceiling
watching the paint peeling
I dream a little dream
about a place
where everyone has
love
written
all over their face
I think about my friends
The ones who died
And I think I was
the only one
who cried.

I woke up in the morning
put on my walking shoes
Singing a song
they call the blues
Another day got to make
another dollar
Down on the metro
some man called me faggot
I just turned my head
and let him pass
by
I didn't want him
to see the teardrops
in my eye
I turned on the radio
and heard an old song say
The love you take
is equal to the love
you make
It made me realize
there was nothing I
could do
but live my life
the best I can
because love is
what makes me
a real man!

4.7.89

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HELPIN' HAND

Tell me why you stand and stare
Do you think you're playing the fool
Acting so passive, acting so cool
Tell me - do you even care

Lend a helpin' hand
Do the best you can
Lend a helpin' hand
Try to make a stand
Lend a helpin' hand

Turning your backs on one another
Calling it a waste of your time
Acting like it would be a crime
Would you do it to your mother

Lend a helpin' hand
Do the best you can
Lend a helpin' hand
Try to make a stand
Lend a helpin' hand

Better stop and think again
Cause one day you will stumble and fall
And nobody will heed your call
Tell me what will you do then

Lend a helpin' hand
Do the best you can
Lend a helpin' hand
Try to make a stand
Lend a helpin' hand



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HIGH STEPPIN' WOMAN

Hey baby
You say you're ready and burning hot
You wanna get down and hit a nightspot
But baby I hardly know you
Say satisfaction is your game
But I don't even know your name
I wanna become friends with you
But there's only one thing you want me to say
C'mon baby let's go all the way

High steppin' woman
So full of desire
High steppin' woman
Can't get any higher

Get this
Hit the town with you at my side
You only wanna take me for a ride
Spend my money and drink my booze
Hanging all over everybody
Just making a damn fool out of me
Opened my eyes and now you lose
I see through you and the things that you do
Don't want to be a part of you

High steppin' woman
So full of desire
High steppin' woman
Can't get any higher

You can bring a man to his knees
Using your body to do what you please
Make him follow your every command
That ain't the life I want for me
Want a woman who'll love just me
Cause I'm not another one night stand
If you have other ideas, hit the door
I don't wanna see you no more

High steppin' woman
So full of desire
High steppin' woman
Can't get any higher



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I AM A SERIAL KILLER

I am a serial killer
I kill people with kindness
I exploit their blindness
because I can see the secrets
inside of their empty souls
the ghosts of their past
first and last
It is like a spell that I cast
that draw my victims near
until I can smell their fear
and I can see it in their eyes
and I draw them in
and soothe them with my magical lies
it is like they become hypnotized
and their suffering subsides
if only for a moment in time
as they close their eyes
to see the perfect world
I have created in their minds.

I am a serial killer
so I kill people with kindness
I exploit their blindness
as I watch their last breath escape their lips
and they lose their grip and slip
off this mortal coil
and the end of their toil
I am a serial killer
terminator
exterminator
of those branded a traitor to God

I am a poison
I am fatal
so spin the dreidel
and count your blessings
that you do not become my next victim
because I have the keys to the kingdom
and I can open any door
I can see what you can not and so much more
as I watch your ghost floating
above your dead body on the floor

I am a serial killer
identity unknown
the king of nothing
a rolling stone
with no place to call home
and I am not alone
the angel of death sits on my shoulder
we watch the people passing by
some got such sadness
it makes me want to cry
some got such madness
who's gonna be the next to die

I am a serial killer
and I can kill you with kindness
I can exploit your blindness
it's so sad that you are so mindless
that in a heartbeat
I can take away
what you take for granted
and I cannot stand it
I am a serial killer - who wants to die
I am a serial killer - you are going to die
I am going to kill you with kindness
exploit your blindness
until you confess
I am a serial killer.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I COULD BE...

Daddy was a sad man
Mommy was a mad one
Together they told a story
that was a bad one
Sister is a junkie
Brother is flunkie
And everybody wants me
to be their monkey

I could be a coward or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar or I could be a zero
This is a song for the broken
This is a song to say the things
usually left unspoken
This is a song that keeps me hoping
I could be a coward or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar or I could be a zero

School taught me nothing
The teachers said I was rotten
and all those lessons
were soon forgotten
I was a bad boy
I was a naughty boy
oh joy

I could be a coward or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar or I could be a zero
This is a song for the broken
This is a song to say the things
usually left unspoken
This is a song that keeps me hoping
I could be a coward or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar or I could be a zero

The clock is ticking
The plot is thickening
I had to do the things
some of you
might find sickening
now my pulse is quickening
because it is time
to open my mouth
and put in my two cents worth

I could be a coward or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar or I could be a zero
This is a song for the broken
This is a song to say the things
usually left unspoken
This is a song that keeps me hoping
I could be a coward or I could be a hero
I could be a superstar or I could be a zero

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I DANCE...

i dance
i dance for my soul
i dance to keep my love alive
when i dance i make love to the music - i wrap the rhythm around my body like a piece of silk - i feel the smoothness of the notes caressing my body - i twist and turn - guitars dancing in my head my skin tingle and burn - note by note - step by step - i spin around higher and higher until i can almost fly - i lose contact with reality - i forget where i am - i don't care who watches - i sweat and writhe - gyrating sensations fill my body as i come closer to ecstasy - round and round until it seems like my feet are no longer touching the ground - i breath in and out - i sometimes scream and shout - when i dance i let it all out - i keep too much locked inside - up and down - back and forth -
i dance
i dance to keep from crying
i dance a prayer for the dying
i dance and my soul is flying
when i dance
is the only time i am free
i dance to be me
i dance
wishing
i was dancing for you
until then
i dance
to keep my love
alive...

9.21.1987

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IF I TOLD YOU

If I told you that I could sing a song
what would you say
If I told you the story of my life
would you give me the time of day
I am guilty of having a past
guilty of a trust that did not last
a two-face liar
a real high flyer
trapped by dreams and secret desires
day by day I learned my lesson
even staring down the barrel
of a Smith and Wesson
but I saw the light
I saw the light
I know that sounds like such a cliche
until you have been there
you learn to feel
you learn to care
You suddenly realize the futility
of swimming in a river of lies
you realize...oh yes...you realize
ooh...oh I have a dream
ooh...oh I have a dream
ooh oh
can't you hear the children scream
our freedom is on the line
we got to get together
regardless of our own kind
ooh...oh I have a dream
I have a dream...

If I told you I could sing a song
what would you say
If I told you the facts behind the story
would you believe the truth
I am guilty of having a past
guilty of believing in love
guilty if you can call it a crime
But you don't know in these dark days and dark times
man against woman, sister against brother
everybody is so afraid of each other
whatever happened to love
where did it go
I turn on the television and what do I hear
somewhere somebody's child got shot dead
when will we wake up
when will we live up
when will we be real
why does everyone got to shoot to kill
what is the deal
too many questions, too many problems
black against white, straight against gay
each say theirs is the better way
life is not a game
but why do we play...

If I told you I could sing a song
what...oh...what would you say
If I told you the story of my life
would you give me the time of day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I GOT A QUESTION

What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?

Do we really know one another,
Is there some meaning in what we say.
Or are we just passing the day,
Tell me, do we really know each other.

What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?

Do you know my name,
Or my favorite color?
Or what I like to do,
Or is it just a game to you?

Tell me, tell me, tell me
Tell me now -
Do you know what the hell we are talking about?

What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?

What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?

Who are you,
What are you - friend or foe?
I really want to know.

What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?

Do we really know one another,
Is there some meaning in what we say.
Or are we just passing the day,
Tell me, do we really know each other.

What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?

What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?
What are we talking about?
TELL ME!



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

I know you are out there
Sometimes I see you on the street
Sometimes...sometimes our eyes meet
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it without disguise
I know you are out there
You are not the only one
I just want you to know you are not alone
I just want you to know that I care...

But it's a new day
A new stage
A new play
We got to find a better way
A better way to play
A better way to say
A better way to stay happy
Like it meant in the old days.

We got to change our ways
We got to find a new way to play
A new way to stay happy in our hearts
Without falling apart...

We got to love
We got to live
We got to open our hearts and give
And most of all
We got to believe!



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IN MEMORANIUM (Original text for "Old Days" by Revelation)

Do you remember - when the music stood for something
Do you remember - when people cared
Do you remember - the love they shared - well I do
Do you remember - when our eyes saw no color
Do you remember - peace and love your brother
Do you remember - the burden they beared - well I do
Do you remember - those who dared (I miss Jimi)
Do you remember - or was it all for nothing

The fires of revolution are burning low
The winds of change are starting to blow
A spark here, a spark there, soon it
Will be everywhere
People sedated by drugs
People swept under the rug
People lost in a fog
People blinded by TV
People starting to rise
People tired of the lies
People ready to change their lives
Stand and speak your mind if you dare

Time to get out of this maze
Get your head out of your hole
Show the world you have a soul
Spread the message everywhere, spread the message
if you care
Time to open your eyes and stand tall
Because if we stand united, then we won't fall

Do you remember - when the music stood for something
Do you remember - when people cared
Do you remember - the love they shared - well I do
Do you remember - when our eyes saw no color
Do you remember - peace and love your brother
Do you remember - the burden they beared - well I do
Do you remember - those who dared (I miss Jimi)
Do you remember - or was it all for nothing

The dreams of a brighter future are fading fast
Slowly turning into memories of days past
Hear my plea, time to get free, got to lose your apathy
Gotta open your eyes
Gotta see through the lies
Stop looking out just for number one
We're each others' responsibility
Gotta help each other
Gotta love one another
If we are to make it through this insanity
Stop taking life just for fun
Stand up for what's right
Stand up it's time to fight
Get up everybody, take a chance
Help save humanity
It's time to put an end to this injustice and hate
Come on now, do something before it is too late
We gotta put the rock back in rock'n'roll

The radio is such a bore
I just can't take it no more
Same old shit every day of the week
And the situation is looking bleak
If you want fair play, you're walking
on broken glass
If you want airplay, you gotta kiss
somebody's ass
The radio has become such a drag
Try to say something, they call you a fag
I can't take this shit anymore
Don't want to be anybody's whore

Do you remember - when the music stood for something
Do you remember - when people cared
Do you remember - the love they shared - well I do
Do you remember - when our eyes saw no color
Do you remember - peace and love your brother
Do you remember - the burden they beared - well I do
Do you remember - those who dared (I miss Jimi)
Do you remember - or was it all for nothing

These faceless bands that rule the airwaves
Seem to think that people still live in caves
Instead of telling us there's still hope
They sing songs about sex and dope
I wanna know, where did all the heroes go?
I wanna know, where did all the spirit go?
These faceless bands don't seem to have any souls
I don't know why they even call it rock'n'roll
There's got to be something better to hear
It's time to set this nation on its ear

Do you remember - when the music stood for something
Do you remember - when people cared
Do you remember - the love they shared - well I do
Do you remember - when our eyes saw no color
Do you remember - peace and love your brother
Do you remember - the burden they beared - well I do
Do you remember - those who dared (I miss Jimi)
Do you remember - or was it all for nothing

Janis - Jimi - Jim
Why? Someone tell me

Do you remember - when the music stood for something
Do you remember - when people cared
Do you remember - the love they shared - well I do
Do you remember - when our eyes saw no color
Do you remember - peace and love your brother
Do you remember - the burden they beared - well I do
Do you remember - those who dared (I miss Jimi)
Do you remember - or was it all for nothing

I'm so tired of this bullshit.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



INSOMNIAC

a tapestry
of muted insanity
veiled my dreams
with shadows of
darkness

I lay in disguise
watching time march
across the ceiling
in a secret parade
of ghosts

hectic visions crowded
my sleep like raindrops
on a windowpane
on a dark stormy
night



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I OUGHTA KNOW (In Rememberance Of My Dead Friends)

It's another night in the same old town
It's the same old thing that keeps going round
The same old rules and the same old games
The only thing that changes is the names
I've seen it once and I've seen it twice
I've seen it all come and go
An endless parade, an endless show
What it means I'll never know
But when my time is up I got to go

Who am I, I hear you say
When will that old quean fade away
Do you think he is really gay
Did all those drugs make him that way
Well I see your eyes and I hear your voices
And you don't leave me many choices
The library is open and it is time to read

Who am I, I hear you ask
Aren't I being a little too rash
I turn my head and let it pass
Some people just have no class
Who am I, I hear you ask
What is this spell I cast
How long will it last

Well I am an old quean if you know what I mean
Casting my shadow on the scene
Sucking up information like a fiend
I have seen it all come and go
So what is it you want to know
I got a lot of memories in my head
And I got a lot of friends who are dead
I remember the queans who used to rock
And the queans who used to shock
And especially all the ones looking for cock
A memory behind every door
And all you have to do is knock

Drag queens, leather queens
Feathers and beads, fan-dancing and poppers
and everything in between
Disco and cabaret, fucking all day
and dancing all night
Some things never felt so right

Then came the day when nobody knew
what to say
As another friend got buried that day
It all just came crashing down
Seems something was going around
and nobody wanted to make a sound
Until it was in every town

But a lost voice, it was found
The dawning of a new age
Fueled by queer rage
Out and loud, saying it proud
rising above the crowd
It was a new breed with new needs
but the lessons of the past
Will they heed
Or will another generation's soul
Have to bleed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I REALLY WANT (FOR KELLY)

I got this feeling deep inside,
I just don't wanna hide.
Ever since you entered in my life
I got this feeling in my heart,
I really don't know just where to start.
It's not talk, it's not playing,
I really mean what I'm saying.
I hope I don't sound too foolish
I want to show you that I care,
With you my love I want to share.

I really want to know you.
I really want to show you.
I really want to know you.
Just let me hold you.
I really want to know you.
I really want to show you.
I really want to know you.

Every day and night I think of you,
This is something I got to do.
There's something I really want you to know,
You really got a hold on me.
It's time to set my love free,
Just take a hold of my hand
Maybe you will understand.
I want to make sweet love to you,
Cause when I look into your eyes
My heart - it just starts to fly.

I really want to know you.
I really want to show you.
I really want to know you.
Just let me hold you.
I really want to know you.
I really want to show you.
I really want to know you.

When I look into your face,
I know I'm in the right place.
Awkward moments, fumbling for words,
It begins with just a kiss.
Your love is my only wish
Just reach out and touch,
I want to give you so much.
Be my woman, and I'll be your man
Baby, just take my hand And you will understand.

I really want to know you.
I really want to show you.
I really want to know you.
Just let me hold you.
I really want to know you.
I really want to show you.
I really want to know you.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I SEE

I see people dying in the streets,
Always running but getting no place
I see people falling in self-defeat.
Illusions of glory are in their head
Illusions of glory killing them dead.
I see people they're going nowhere,
Always trying but losing the race
I see people drowning in despair.

I see my father standing brave
To the company he's a slave
Making a living to do a little giving
His loved ones mean so much to him
He's just a piece of meat to them.
Dying a little bit each day
Just to keep some net profit up,
Hoping it doesn't take him away.
Every day I see him worry
Seems like he's always in a hurry.
Keeps on giving so we can keep living
I see my father killing himself,
So he won't be put on a shelf.

I see people dying in the streets,
Always running but getting no place
I see people falling in self-defeat.
Illusions of glory are in their head
Illusions of glory killing them dead.
I see people they're going nowhere,
Always trying but losing the race
I see people drowning in despair.

I see people falling down
Letting some one push them around
They're just staring and never caring.
Sitting around feeling so lost
Never realizing what it's gonna cost.
They pay the price with their souls
Perverts, pushers, and killers
We're letting them take control
Easy prey for their merciless game
Becoming humans only in name.
We got to stand and make our demand.
I see people waiting to die
It just makes me want to cry.

I see people dying in the streets,
Always running but getting no place
I see people falling in self-defeat.
Illusions of glory are in their head
Illusions of glory killing them dead.
I see people they're going nowhere,
Always trying but losing the race
I see people drowning in despair.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I SEEN IT ALL

I got a story
I gotta tell

It's got sex and
It's got drugs
It's got power
It's got glory
It's not one of your run of the mill stories...
The preacher man would say its about
the highway to hell.

But oh well...

I done lines
took some trips
I smoked some joints
But never did seem to get the point
I been up
and I been down
I had my share
but I did not even care
My troubles came in twos
but I paid my dues
I rocked my world...
with girlies so fine
I have gone down...
the taste of boy
is so divine
I read some books
and traveled the world
I met some people
I seen some things
you never saw
I can tell you
I seen it all.

So now
at the edge of time
in the year of the beast
Do remember
do not wear the mark!

I escaped from hell
to tell you this story
It ain't a nice place
and this ain't a nice story
I take a look around
a lot of my friends
six feet underground
I turn on the TV
sex is violence
and nothing's shocking
What are we teaching
our children
Images on a screen
what do they mean
Telling lies, living alibis
Showing children how to die
Sublimation
indoctrination
and nobody cries.

Down in the ghetto
75% of the world lives in one
you know
Them girlies having babies
when they should be
playing
The boys out on the street
pulling pistols
selling crack
a gold chain, an empty soul
still a slave
bought and sold
So sister and
brother
Why you digging
your own grave?

I am the jumping jack flash
bum rushing with
the true trash
Its the sign of the times
these are the victims
these are the crimes
Junkies and flunkies
rule the streets
faggots, niggers, kikes
chinks, spicks, dykes
Might is right
hatred takes a big bite
if you ain't white
you are just another name
in a game
with no rules
played by fools.
I tell you
I seen it all.

Vulture culture media disease
on your hands
or on your knees
You can run but you cannot hide
Nazi scientists
fascist pigs
Using God to hide dirty deeds
they got the plan
for the rich man
Killing people like
picking weeds
create a disease
to kill them when you please
Junkies, whores, and queers
cries for help
falling on deaf ears.

Some say...
but I know
it ain't that way
...God must be dead.

So there's my story
did it make you see...
did it make you think...
did you wanna run
and get a drink?

But don't give up hope
we ain't quite
at the end of our rope
Take a stand
make a choice
I am not the only voice
I am a singer
here is my song...
...and actually
I ain't seen it all
until I see...
Until I see Babylon fall.

1.21.1989

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IS THAT MY REFLECTION?

disconnected
infected
rejected
paying the price and waylaid by vice
I should have thought twice
flattered
tattered
shattered
wishing my life wasn't a sacrifice
but I didn't know the price
played
delayed
wrong message conveyed
don't know what to say but I should pray
feeling lost and unaware of the cost
I should be my own boss
but I made the wrong choices
gave into the voices
no one seemed to notice and I didn't protest
my life bordered on the grotesque
and now I must confess but you know the rest
it's the same old story
another failure trying to hang on to
some faded glory
I tell myself I can do better
I just have to get it together
but I have been to the edge too many times
and me, of all people, should know the signs
but an infusion of confusion
can cause a contusion
and I bruise easily especially
when some people act so sleazily
but I am the only one who can please me
but most of the time
I am out of touch with reality
it's a jungle out there
and you never know how you are going to fare
so buyer beware it's a jungle out there
sometimes it's so hard to tell who is your friend
and who will just fly away with the wind
it's the same old story that will never end.

misbehaved
depraved
enslaved
I tossed caution to the wind and dove right in
and now I got to let my wounds mend
so I can get up and make the same mistakes again
complicated
frustrated
inebriated
it should be a crime the way I waste time
how could I be so blind
convoluted
uprooted
twisted and deluded
going the wrong way on a one-way street
and the brakes don't seem to work
as I go faster and faster
aren't I supposed to be the master
of my destiny
and oh yeah, what was Plan B
as a last resort I fall to my knees
begging God to save me
and here I go again
watching the seconds tick on by
and all I can do is sigh
I wish I could hit the reset button
and live my life all over again
but you know history tends to repeat itself
I can see you questioning my mental health
but then again
you always seem to hit below the belt
I only hope it makes you feel better
about yourself
but only time will tell
if I was right and you were wrong
and so I will just keep on singing my song.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



IT BLOWS MY MIND (FOR HR)

Oh my brother
look at the world
what have we done
omigod...
it blows my mind

Everyday living in Babylon
how much longer can it go on
what have they done
can it be undone
in the name of love
in the name of unity
omigod...
it blows my mind

Yesterday I remember
when we were brothers
what did I say
what did you do
I called you demon
You called me devil
what did we say
what did we do
omigod...
it blows my mind.

Oh my brother
look at the world
what have we done
omigod...
it blows my mind

Tomorrow's coming
what will it be
can you tell me
what do you see
I heard the rumors
caught in my mind
like tumors
what do you say
what will you do
omigod...it blows my mind.

Oh my brother
look at the world
what have we done
omigod...
it blows my mind

Everyday living in Babylon
how much longer can it go on
what have they done
can it be undone
in the name of love
in the name of unity
omigod...
it blows my mind

how much longer can it go on
what have they done
can it be undone
in the name of love
in the name of unity
omigod...
it blows my mind.

11.17.85



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I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MAN

Boy...
I thought you were a man.
So why did you do what you did to me,
I just don't understand
Didn't I treat you right
Didn't I hold you tight
as we layed together in the night.

Boy, I thought you were a man
so why did you treat me like you did
it was like a kick in the head
when you ripped out my heart
why did you start
what you didn't want to finish
evidently.

Now I got a ball of hate
where my heart used to be
why didn't I see
but love can make you blind
so here I am burning on the inside
wondering what is going on in your mind.

Boy, I thought you were a man
and now I do not understand
why you could not tell me what was going on
instead of letting me waste my time
I wish I understood
because I thought you were better than this
I feel like I have been poisoned by your kiss
I want to cry but I can't
all of my tears have been spent
and it hurts so bad
because I thought you were heaven sent
the answers to my prayers
Oh, how could you mislead me so
Boy...
I thought you were a man.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


IT IS RAINING TONIGHT IN BABYLON

It is raining in Babylon tonight
Rivlets of water run down the street
I am bored
I wait for dawn
I will walk the quiet streets to my gate
I will smoke
I will lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling
I will imagine I see a Van Gogh
flowing in the swirls in the tiles
I will think of my lover so faraway
I will wish for his touch
I will sleep
I will dream
traveling to a distant place
in the back of my mind
only I have the key to unlock the door
to a place where I can dance
to the secret melodies
from the hearts of the wise
I am a song
but tonight I sit and stare out the window
wondering why
I sigh
I am bored
The rain keeps falling
while Babylon sleeps
and
I wait for the sun...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


IT'S A MYSTERY

It's another day in my so-called life
and I got what seems like
a million thoughts running amuck
in my brain like a runaway freight train
I hope you do not think that I am insane
but all the stress and all the strain
makes it so hard for me to refrain
I shuck and jive trying to stay alive
for these days you got to strive
just to get by
then I woke up and I realized
my dream world was a lie
and time was passing me by
and I still just wanted to get high
and I cannot tell you why
It just makes me want to cry
for when I look into the mirror
all I see is a beautiful liar
with a heart full of desire
come on now
let me light your fire!

It's another day in my so-called life
and I am still trying to get it right
they say those who forget the past
are condemned to repeat it
I am not trying to act conceited
or make you feel defeated
but sometimes we all need it
a little wake-up call from God
just to remind us who we are
because without love
we can only go so far
no matter how many times
you wish upon a star!

It's another day in my so-called life
and I find myself
wondering just whose life
that I am living
and giving into temptation
praying for salvation
hoping for a second chance
even if it has to be through
re-incarnation
I tried to live a life of my own invention
but the road to hell
is paved with good intentions
I never could seem to fit in
I always ended up the victim
no matter how hard I tried to play the game
it always ended up the same
yes...I have my faults
too many to name
some of which I hang my head in shame
It's a mystery with my history
and I lived to tell this story to you
with the things I have seen
and the things I have done
It's no wonder that I am always on the run
ever since the day I left home
the path that I chose left my shoes
full of holes
I guess that is the price of selling
my soul to rock and roll
I gave up the ghost
as I went spinning out of control
I used to do a lot of drugs and I did not care
I used to sell a lot of weed
to buy the things I did not need
because when you cut your soul you do not bleed
I started living life like it was a crime
never paid the bills on time
everybody said I was losing my mind
I just thought they were being unkind
the secrets in my heart
they would never find
but things got fast
the cash never did seem to last
I was going out first class
living large and being an ass
I could hear them laugh
but I just let it pass
like it was no big thing
and my ears would ring
and my tongue would sing
either telling pretty little lies
or spinning a web of alibis.

It's another day in my so-called life
and the line between fact and fiction
somehow got blurred
and my words came out slurred
and nobody seemed concerned
I was just...burn, baby, burn
I ain't ever gonna learn
and it's a mystery with my history
that I lived to tell you this tale.

It's another day in my so-called life
and I am still trying to get it right...

To be continued...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I USED TO BE...

I used to be a mover and a shaker
a lover and a real heartbreaker
I was king of the world
living my life in the fast lane
rolling like a runaway freight train
I was making money hand over fist
I could have anything that I wished
but taking care of myself wasn't on the list
so I gave it away
when I should have been saving it
for a rainy day
I was no work and all play
acting like a jerk my soul went astray
I was going for broke
my life was going up in smoke
I had no hope
finding it hard to cope
I was caught on a slippery slope
letting the devil give me enough rope
I was going down like I was gagged and bound
and could not make a single sound
a vicious circle going round and round
distant voices in my head
distant pasts cold and dead
a circus of memories
bringing teardrops to my eyes
reminding me of my bed of lies
to get myself together
and brave the stormy weather
that has clouded my life
when I took a left turn on a red light
because I used to be...
because I used to be...

I used to be a mover and shaker
a lover and a real heartbreaker
but you would not know it
if you could see me now
you would shake your head
and just say - how
how did my smile turn into a frown
You always thought I had both feet
firmly planted on the ground
but it seems I got sidetracked
and then the mirror...it cracked
and I could not find my way back
I was lost in the desert of despair
and I was pulling out my hair
I could not find a way to escape
and I could not believe this was my fate
I became blinded with hate
and I could not see straight
but they say it is never too late
to change
no matter how strange
the circumstances
there are second chances
and when the darkness gets too close for comfort
and I keep selling myself short
and I feel like that I am caught
between a rock and a hard place
and I am afraid to see the look on my face
from the horror of my disgrace
and the pain I taste
causes me to awake
screaming in the night
I used to be...
I used to be...

I used to be a mover and a shaker
a lover and a real heartbreaker
I found myself on a collision course with destiny
I looked over the edge
and it frightened me
so I took a look at what was inside of me
I realized it was time to set myself free
from all my insanity
I knew it was time to grow up
and show up where I was supposed to be
I had to begin to act responsibly
or it was going to be the end of me
I had to do something about it now
I had to find a way somehow
to get my feet back on the ground
as my head out of the clouds
and turn things around
wipe away my frown
put a smile back on my face
and get out of this place
that I do not want to be
I am going to shake the disease
and get off my knees
because I have seen the light
and this time I am going to get it right
because I am a mover and a shaker
a lover and a real heartbreaker
the king of the world
and this time I am going to get it
right
because I used to be...
because I used to be...

1.16.2003

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I WAS JUST STANDING AROUND AND THINKING...

I was just standing around
and thinking
pretending I was a human being
which can be very hard sometimes
especially if you have been seeing the things
I have been seeing
so I count to ten
and tell myself
just to keep on breathing
good times, bad times
happy times, sad times
it is all the same
actually
because everything
loses its meaning
eventually
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
isn't that what they say
I guess there is some truth
in every old cliche

I was just standing around
trying to wear a smile
instead of a frown
but the circus in my head
is way too loud
for me to comprehend
where I should begin
to get from A to Z
my life has always
kind of been like a jigsaw puzzle
been there, done that
said this, saw that
I got hurt and I still got the scar
but thankfully
I have it in me
to get back on my feet
and start over again

I was just standing around
and daydreaming
waiting on my knight in shining armor
to come and rescue me
whisk me away
to the land of make-believe
to live happily ever after
turn my teardrops into laughter
pull me back
from the edge of disaster
fast forward and rewind
repeat rinse, do it one more time
these are the thoughts
that go through my mind
when I am bored
sometimes

I was just standing around
and thinking.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



JAH IS CALLING

Big man in the white house
He don't care about you and me
He don't care at all...all...all...all

He take food from little children
He take medicine from old people
He gonna take it all...all...all...all

People trying to stay alive
He make it so hard to survive
He take the money
He give it for bombs
He take it all...all...all...all

What we gonna do
Jah's tear fall for me and you
Time will come when Jah will show the way
For all it will be a better day
Then big man in the white house will lose
It all...all...all...all

We got to stand and fight
Cause we know it is right
People answer freedom's call
Or we will lose it all...all...all...all

We got to unite
Red, yellow, black, and white
Take Jah's guiding hand
He will lead us to the promise land
Soon big man will fall...fall...fall...fall

Share a little love brother
Share a little love sister
Yeah
Take it, said mon

I want a chance to make it
Something to call my own
Someplace to call home
If you give it
I take it

Yeah
If we stand, we will not fall...fall...fall...fall
Equal rights is what we need
Equal rights not afraid to bleed
If we fight, we will take it all...all...all...all

Yeah mon
Take it Hassan, mon

I and I want to be me
Do what I want to do
Do what I like to do
I and I want to be free

Yeah
If we stand, we will not fall...fall...fall...fall
Equal rights is what we need
Equal rights not afraid to bleed
If we fight, we will take it all...all...all...all

I want to stand on my feet
Not be pushed around
Not to be talked down
Cause your standards I don't meet

Yeah
If we stand, we will not fall...fall...fall...fall
Equal rights is what we need
Equal rights not afraid to bleed
If we fight, we will take it all...all...all...all



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


JA! THE QUEEN SPOKE

Ja! the queen spoke...a fag bar is a fag bar is a fag bar
to paraphrase Gertrude, god rest her soul
swirling eyes darting, oh so, furtively, covertly, sexily
if only...your walls weren't so high...maybe i would let
my hair down, you know like rapunzel
ja, men are pigs
you know it, i know it, that dirty secret we don't like to share,
that penis code of silence or something,
the little looks we do, the eye games
they're all the same in any language, the queans are out
now let the games begin
isn't it funny how one can go to any city in the world
and go to any gay bar and it's just like you haven't left home,
the same cheesy disco songs, the same tired attitudes
there's miss cuter and younger than thou
there's miss beautiful all in khoji
there's miss shade and all her powder quean friends
oh look, there's mr. hustler boy trying to work his look,
there's mr. quiet, miss loud, miss black and beautiful,
miss blonde, ooh watch out for miss whisper whisper
did ja hear, oh god
there's mr. right now i wish i could lick you, and
they keep going around
just like any other gay bar in any other town,
but then again this feeling of detachment
brought on by the language barrier reminds me of the feeling i get
at home in any gay bar in america
you know it goes to show you
life is life is life...Ja!

(Written 11.28.96 at April's Bar in Amsterdam)

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JUST A THOUGHT

Does anyone out there
Have a plausible excuse
For all this hatred
Across our land
A plausible excuse
Is it the television
The books
The music
Is it Axl Rose
saying immigrants and faggots
Or are they symptoms
Of a greater malaise
Where did it begin
Will it ever end
Will we ever be just
Father, mother, sister,
Brother, cousin, lover
Everyone equal
Everyone free
Free to be
One's dream.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



LADIES AND GENTLEMEN - STEP RIGHT UP!

Showstopper
Soulpopper
Welcome to my soap opera
bitches and fools
asses and tools
I ain't blind
and I don't have to
read your mind
to see
you ain't being
very kind.

Neurotic
Psychotic
I need an antibiotic
You make me feel so dirty
and I got to keep
reminding myself
that words can't
hurt me.

Imaginary
Contrary
Such hilarity
It better be a deep hole
if you want to bury me
I have been down this road
before
it is really quite
a bore
bumpy rides always
leave me sore.

Comical
Diabolical
Feeling homicidal
some things you can't put
in a bottle
but you ain't got a clue
it's so sad but it's true
and that's the only
difference
between
me and you.

Showstopper
Soulpopper
Welcome to my soap opera.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



LA MUETRE POR LOS CAMPESCINOS

The Devil speaks Spanish
just like his children
south of the border
in the lands of chaos and disorder
fueled by blood and cocaine
can't you hear them scream
Sangre de Diablo
Sangre de Diablo
and the Devil just laughs
and God turns his head
on they go marching
millions of the undead
lead by banana republic dictators
thinking they are greater than God up above
killing nuns just for fun
Catholic Church hypocrisy
down on bended knee
but they all fail to see...

The Devil speaks Spanish
And several other dialects too
because Jesus died for somebody's sins
maybe for me or maybe for you
but definitely not for his or for theirs
so don't go walking down those stairs
to the Devil's playground
where the children sing
Sangre de Diablo
Sangre de Diablo
the angels cry and the demons lie
it's the countdown to the Apocalypse
do you know where your heart is
because the road to Hell is paved with good intentions
and other things too numerous to mention
well...that's my contention
and I don't give a damn about your dissention...

The Devil speaks Spanish
and sometimes he speaks in broken English
and sometimes he doesn't have to speak at all
because there is always some willing souls
who will answer his call
ever since the fall
can't you hear them on the wind
whispering again and again
Sangre de Diablo
Sangre de Diablo
I hope the end of the world doesn't come tomorrow
I need more time to drown my sorrow
so keep one eye on the clock
cross your fingers for good luck
because it only takes a second for everything to change
because the Devil speaks Spanish
and several other dialects too
and remember
your life is up to you!



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


LIKE WE'RE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL

I don't want to hate you
I don't want to denigrate you
I don't want to hurt you
but what am I to do
when you act a fool
thinking you're cool
laughing with your friends
like we're still in high school.

When will you grow up
when will you act like an adult
maybe it's not your fault
maybe your parents raised you wrong
but this is the real world
and for every action there is a reaction
we all are guilty of something or the other
and we all need to get it together
so stop playing the blame game
it's so lame
take responsibility for your own damn life
okay!

I don't want to hate you
I don't want to denigrate you
I don't want to hurt you
but what am I to do
when you act a fool
thinking you're cool
laughing with your friends
like we're still in high school.

If you want me to respect you
don't yank my chain
if you want me to treat you
like a human being
stop acting insane
because I don't owe you anything at all
we all have needs and wants
we all have problems and hurts
we all think we're number one
but vanity is a sin
and when you take on God
you can never win
okay!

I don't want to hate you
I don't want to denigrate you
I don't want to hurt you
but what am I to do
when you act a fool
thinking you're cool
laughing with your friends
like we're still in high school.

I know what you are thinking
who am I to say these things to you
but you know what
I am guilty of all of the above
but at least I have a clue
and my words will always ring true
so go on your merry little way
and pretend you did not hear
what I had to say
but just remember your wicked ways
will come back to haunt you
one day
okay!

I don't want to hate you
I don't want to denigrate you
I don't want to hurt you
but what am I to do
when you act the fool
thinking you're cool
laughing with your friends
like we're still in high school.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


LOVESICK

You got me lovesick
You got my mind playing tricks
because you are all I think about 24/7
because being with you
would be my idea of heaven
I want to stop the world and melt with you
because my aim is true
even though...

You got me lovesick
and I need a fix
I need a taste
Why do we let the time waste
can't you feel my desire
you got me on fire
because your beauty
I will not tire
because you inspire
even though...

You got me lovesick
I wanna get skin to skin
and lip to lip
and let the time slip
into ecstasy
as you and me become we
oh how sweet it would be
even though...

You got me lovesick
and you got my mind playing tricks
because I ain't in it for kicks
I want to fall in love
that fits like a glove
for the rest of our days
to have and to hold
I wish I could be bold
even though...

You got me lovesick
You got me lovesick
got me lovesick
got me lovesick
love
yeah!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


MAJOR SUCKER

UM UM HUH UM UH
I know you know what I am talking about
just take a look around
and you will see them
on the streets and in the malls
on the pages of People magazine
Just take a look at that one there!

He will get under your skin
He will get on your nerves
He will look you straight in the eye
and throw you a curve
oh yeah
He is just a major sucker
and he wants to take you on a major ride
You better run and you better hide
lock the doors and stay inside
oh yeah
He could be pretty as a picture
or scary as a bad dream
that you can not wake up and scream
oh yeah

He is a major sucker alright
He will make you lay in bed late at night
and make you wonder why like Snow White
you took a bite of an apple
that was rotten to the core
oh yeah
rotten to the core
He will get under your skin
He will get on your nerves
He will look you straight in the eye
and throw you a curve
oh yeah

A major sucker cannot dance
A major sucker does not laugh
A major sucker never gets a second chance
oh yeah

He will send chills down your spine
He will make your skin crawl
He will tell you nasty little lies
and try to blow your mind
oh yeah
He is just a major sucker
He will get under your skin
He will get on your nerves
He will look you straight in the eye
and throw you a curve
oh yeah
He is just a major sucker
and he wants to take you on a major ride
you better run and you better hide
lock the doors and stay inside
oh yeah
He is just a major sucker
oh yeah!

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MANTRA #666

Cocaine is the antichrist! I screamed as I lay in bed shaking from the demons
of hunger as I kept telling myself to stay focused, I want to escape the cocaine
ghetto that I trapped myself in as I became King Snorter. I could really stick
that white demon up my nose, but now I regret it ALL. How could something like
this steal my soul and made me live a thousand lies to feed the need, night after
night the same damn thing, the drinking, the snorting, the idiocy, then the pain -
why wasn't I warned, why - sometimes the siren call burns into my mind and I just
want to scream. Right now, in fact, it is: no more pain, no more pain, no more
pain, I must chant it, believe it, live it, escape it. Now!

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MERRY "FUCKING" CHRISTMAS (OR FOR THE POLICALLY CORRECT - HAPPY HOLIDAYS)

So it's Merry "fucking" Christmas
do you really give a damn
today over 20 people will die of AIDS
in America
some Santa Claus, huh
today they say Jesus was born
then he lived
teached
preached
and then he was crucified
and died for our sins
but in the words of
Patti Smith
"Jesus died for somebody's sins
but not mine"
I will pay the price
for my own sins
do you pray?
do you believe in GOD?

So it's Christmas
and is the war really over
John Lennon was shot down
by a madman
because he did not sign
his name right
they say madmen are the
messengers of GOD
maybe he paid the price for
his own sins
happiness is a warm gun

did Jesus die for his sins?

I went walking
I saw the lights, the trees,
the bows, the ribbons,
the wrapping paper, the smiling
faces

tis' the season...

When I really opened my eyes
I saw the bums sleeping on grates
the lost souls living in crack hell,
the sad faces begging for some change
to pass the time
and buy some wine

did Jesus die for their sins?

I used to have fantasies
of sneaking into peoples' houses
and knocking over their
Christmas trees
and running away and laughing
like the grinch
throwing stones from his
ivory tower

The angels said it came
on the midnight hour
and a star shone bright for the
son of GOD
the king of man was born to
the virgin Mary
the immaculate conception
talk about safe sex

Did this baby know who it was
who he was going to become
how he was going to die
what would you do in this situation

would you die for my sins?

So hurry on your way
buy your presents
eat, drink, and be merry
for Santa Claus is coming to town
so you better be good!

Merry "fucking" Christmas.

12.23.92

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MORALLY REPRENHENSIBLE

I knew this sucka
who thought he was a bad muthafucka
A souped up car and a fat gold chain,
he thought the whole world
was his domain.
Selling crack to babies,
stealing purses from old ladies.
He thought he was bad,
he thought he was cool,
he said he was nobody's fool.

Have you ever seen
a crack addict's eyes...
Victimized
Traumatized
By a stone cold hustla's pack of lies.
One day down on the block,
I saw an eight year old
high on the rock.
When I saw that look in his eyes,
I could not stop the tears in my eyes.
Another slave to the rock
bought and sold.
I wonder what the sucka told him
To make him want to
try it
and come back everyday
to buy it.
Did he tell him
he was his brother
and this was their secret
and not to tell his mother
Did he tell him
it would kill him
one day.

Every day
I see another man
woman
child
wearing tombstone eyes
and the devil's smile.
Every day
I reach for the phone
I start to dial
I gotta tell the cops
There's a killer on the loose
and we gotta run him
out of town
at the end of a noose.
There are children dying
and their mommas
are crying.
Do they care?

But I realize it is no use
They are part of the ruse
to keep in place
those with a different
face.
One day I will not be able
to take it no
more.
Somethings
words cannot change
cuz some suckas
don't feel
unless they bleed.
And I will be there
with what they need
with a nine - line 2 line
and with a bang and a boom,
a bullet hole
between the eyes.
Maybe then they will realize
that money cannot
buy
life.

3.20.89

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MORE OR LESS

I am standing on the edge
watching the world burn down
It's like I got the TV on without the sound
I find myself making up my own dialogue
as I go along
trying to sing a happy song
but the whole world has gone wrong.

On every corner
in every town
a sob story can be found
there's a devil behind every smile
and a secret behind every frown
but since we all live in denial
and life can be such a trial
We find ourselves trying to find
happiness in a vial
but meanwhile...

Back in the real world
death and danger
haunt the boys and girls
televised annihilation
commercialized degradation
everyone is living up to my worst expectation

No wonder I am such a mess
where I will be tomorrow is anyone's guess
and that's the whole truth
and nothing but the truth
more or less.

I find myself on my knees
again
praying to God to forgive me of my sins
again
wondering if the madness will ever end.

I am standing on the edge
watching the world burn down
will the answers ever be found
will there ever be peace in every town
these questions and more
keep going round and round
in my head
until the words
lose all meaning
and I got to remember
to keep breathing.

I am standing on the edge
watching the world burn down
It's like I got the TV on without the sound
I find myself making up my own dialogue
as I go along
trying to sing a happy song
but the whole world
has gone wrong.

In every house
in every country
there is some kind of controversy
someone begging for mercy
someone hungry and thirsty
but barriers are built
and blood is spilt
the war machine is on full-tilt
and meanwhile...

Back in the real world
hate and war
have made peace their dirty whore
sanitized for our protection
inoculated for infection
everyone is living up to my worst expectations

It's no wonder I am such a mess
and I really did try my best
but I am just like the rest
and that's the whole truth and nothing
but the truth
more or less.

And I find myself on my knees again
praying to God to give me the strength to start again
So I count to ten and let the new day begin.

I am standing on the edge
watching the world burn down
It's like I got the TV on without the sound
I find myself making up my own dialogue
as I go along
trying to sing a happy song.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


MURDER ON MIND

I got murder on mind
murder on the TV all the time
murder by occupation
serial killer fascination
liberal condemnation
conservative admiration
criminal aggravation

NRA ranting that guns don't kill
people do
I bet you wouldn't say that
if you had one pointed at you
a barrel blue and cold
taking away your chance to grow old
because like Lynyrd Skynyrd used to sing
ain't no gun good for nothing
but putting a man six feet in a hole...

Because we got murder on mind
murder on the TV all the time
genocide, homicide, and suicide
everyone hides a killer on the inside
some do it for love
some do it out of hate
some do it because they think it is great
can you relate
God said thou shall not kill
but it is too bad he gave us freewill
because it only takes a second
to make the wrong choice
to let that little voice in your head
convince you to pull the trigger
and shoot someone dead...

Because somewhere
someone's got murder on mind
murder on the TV all the time
guns and violence
complicit silence
and the lies we invent
to justify our consent
of the double standards and the double talk
keep the pothead in jail
but let the killer walk
so pass the buck and pass the shame
don't give a fuck until
it's your name in the obituaries
because life is that scary
so you better be wary
and watch your back...

Because somewhere someplace
someone's got murder on mind
murder on the TV all the time
no wonder crime is at an all-time high
and any second now
it could be your turn to die
and you may never know why
and you will never get a chance
to say goodbye
to your friends, family, and others
who mean something to you
what you gonna do
because it could happen to you
because when someone's got murder on mind
there's no turning back
because when your time is up
your time is up...

I got murder on mind
murder on the TV all the time...

1.28.2003

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MY DREAM...

My dream...
I was sitting in my room
It was just before the rise of night
The last strains of sunlight filtered away
Joseph I came over
I thought - not again go away
I heard him scream at Gretchen
Then smack her across the room
I ran out of my room screaming
Paul demon Hudson get the fuck
Out of my house
He came out of the room and tried
To punch me
I hit him and he fell through the
Banister and died in a pool of
Dripping blood
I woke up screaming...

1.28.1985

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MY SO-CALLED SURREAL LIFE (THIS IS A TRUE STORY)

The demon alcohol
began it's insidious occupation
of my common sense
It split my dignity in half
with its surgeon-like precision
As I found myself reveling with the damned
in an orgiastic attempt to outdo the competition
in who could be the most decadent
the most jaded
I found myself laughing at my sordid past
of prostitution and moral degradation
One man confessed to me how he murdered a john
who videotaped him while he was
incapacitated on drugs during which the sick fuck
rammed a lit candle up his ass
So he waited every night for two months
across the street from the john's house
where he watched him engage in the same
routine every evening
as he sat hiding behind a trashcan watching
seething in the ugliness of his memories
He'd watch as he would say hello to the
neighbors and act so normal
He said he waited for it to be a rainy night
as he (the john) was placing
his key in the front door
he ran up with an empty wine bottle
and smashed it across the john's head
and he fell into the doorway
and the memories clouded his mind
and he began pounding
and pounding and pounding...
Until he realized that blood had gotten
on his favorite Pink Floyd t-shirt
that he had got at a concert that
his older brother's best friend
had bought him after
he sucked his dick in his truck
as they drove to the concert.
He said he remembers
being shook awake
by this cop who said it was okay
Was there anyone he could call?
Because they thought it would be best
if he took a little vacation,
and get out of town for a while...
because they understood...
they saw the video of what he did
and no, he could not see it
because they did not think
he should see it and they would not
want him to relive it
and if he would just get out of town
for just a while
everything would be okay.
I sat stunned with my brand new glass pipe
that made me think of mermaids
that I had bought on Haight Street
while shopping with one of my
favorite friends - Joe - that afternoon
I was like "wow"!
It made my whore scares
seem so inconsequential
I wanted to hold him
and caress him with my magic touch
to show him that
everything could be beautiful
if you wanted it to be.
We walked out and went in this alley
and I reached out and hugged
and kissed him on the cheek
and I could feel his soul melt
but at the same time I felt it freeze
as his built-in ego-smasher kicked in
to destroy the moment
as he disappeared in the night.
But before I could bat my eyes
the next broken soul approached me
to dig my herb
He told me that he loved death metal
particularly Sepultura
I recounted my Max Cavelera story
from when I stage handed for them
at the fabulous 9:30 Club
about what a rude and inconsiderate
pussywhipped asshole he was
The alcohol buzz was beginning to bring
the junkie in me out and I asked
about scoring some powder cocaine
and all the drug queans around us seemed
perplexed that I would want cocaine
"We only do crystal!"
The death metal guy assured me
that his friend Cuban George could supply us
with what he/we needed
He was kind of cute or so I thought
you know what kind of tricks
fagbar lighting can play on you
But anyways I decided to play along
we left the Hole In The Wall
and walked down to Mission
We were having this great conversation
and I was ready even though it was probably
the alcohol speaking
but I was ready to get raw with him.
We were approached at this bus stand
where super soul sister and her heat man
were running their crack shack
The heat man jumped up
and said you better not be cops
I laughed and said I was just a crazy-ass faggot
and I wanted some powder cocaine
I had my money ready because
I know all about the street hustle
I showed 80 bucks and said what can I get
soul sister asked again if we was cops
and I said I was just an east coast freak
looking for a rush
She handed me a crumpled up piece
of brown paper towel filled
with what was evidently crack.
It was at this moment I realized in
my drunken idiocy that my new friend was
a full-on needle using speed freak
as I noticed in the moonlight
he had junkie sores on his face and hands
I silently cursed myself as I
realized it was time to go and
somehow I had to politely ditch this fool.
He kept suggesting we go to a sex joint
but I was silently plotting away
we walked down Folsom and then we popped
into some apartment building's lobby
I split the bag and began to try to crush
my share cause my junkie
wanted something in my nose
Then out of the corner of my eye
and in like thirty seconds
I realized he had a needle in his hand and
a plastic bag that held his IDs
he removed them
and crushed his half of the crack rocks into it
then he pulled out his dick
and urinated into the bag
next he stuck the needle into the bag
drew up the fluid until it filled the needle
then he jacked up his arm
the blood flooded into the syringe
and then he plunged it into his arm.
I watched in horror and waited frozen
as my mind tried to justify my voyeurism
I said I must go lie down
He said let's go to my friend's loft
and dress up like women and fucky sucky
I told some lie about having to see
my lawyer in the morning
and I had to go home now
then he said I hope this doesn't sound too tacky
but could you give me a few dollars
I surreptitiously found a twenty and said
like I was stupid or something
"Is this enough?"
Then I ran down the street madly
thanking god for not letting me
get too carried away
I reached my friends' apartment
unlocked the entrance door and ran up the stairs
turned on the television
and "The Wild, Wild West"
just happened to be on
I thought how ironic
and picked up a pen.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1984

Hey Ronnie,
Why do you do the things you do
What have we done to you

Give to the rich
Tax the poor
Laugh in our face
And ask for more

Ronnie Reagan - Are you having fun
Ronnie Reagan - Wish I had a gun
Ronnie Reagan - Do you care for anyone

Bleed the nation with budget cuts
Doing it without any ifs, ands, or buts
Pump it into the war machine
More guns and bombs - just what we need
Pentagon's gonna have a blast
Tell me - do you laugh while we bleed
Turn your back and wipe your hands clean
You say that the economy will soon soar
We just got to give a little more.

Give to the rich
Tax the poor
Laugh in our face
And ask for more

Ronnie Reagan - Are you having fun
Ronnie Reagan - Wish I had a gun
Ronnie Reagan - Do you care for anyone

Bombs, bombs, bombs, that's all you think about
I just can't figure you out
Running the country like a script
Acting like you belong in a crypt
Don't you even give a damn
Dear Nancy thinks she's such a lady
To tell the truth I find her shady
Talking to groups about drug abuse
Probably scoring for her personal use.

Give to the rich
Tax the poor
Laugh in our face
And ask for more

Ronnie Reagan - Are you having fun
Ronnie Reagan - Wish I had a gun
Ronnie Reagan - Do you care for anyone

You give us your trickle-down theory
Tell us we don't have to worry
Nation's unemployment is on the rise
You tell us it is just a fable
You have got everyone on the run
And we have no food on our table
Disguise the truth with your little lies
Recession, depression will happen any day
Will you and Nancy look the other way?

Give to the rich
Tax the poor
Laugh in our face
And ask for more

Ronnie Reagan - Are you having fun
Ronnie Reagan - Wish I had a gun
Ronnie Reagan - Do you care for anyone.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ODE TO ANOTHER DEAD PUNK

He was found dead with a knife in his back
In a gutter at the edge of the road
Why he was in the needle district
No one but him will ever know.

They found him - another dead punk
Put his case file on the bottom of the pile
The boys in blue do nothing but smile
They found him - another dead punk.

Who's gonna tell his father and mother
Who's gonna tell his sisters and brothers
Who's gonna tell his friends
down at the park
where he like to hang after dark
Who's gonna tell them why
Who's gonna comfort them when they cry
Who's gonna find out why he died.

He was just a skinhead who had his beliefs
You respected him and he respected you
and there would be no grief
Go to a show and everything would be cool
Cross his path and you are the fool.

Why he was down on 11th and O
No one will never ever know
Was he looking for drugs
or just walking home
The cops found him - another dead punk.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


OH MAMA, MAMA

Oh mama, mama
Oh mama, mama
What's going on
Oh tell me
What's going on!

There are times when I find myself in situations
that cause me the kind of aggravation
where I want to react in a way
that is unbecoming
where I give into the worst side
of my personality
say the things that hurt
just to hurt
I know I was raised better than that
but sometimes I just don't care
how could they dare
test my patience like that
I really want to be all that I can be
I really want to treat everyone equally
I know I shouldn't let petty things
get to me
I know you can't believe
all that you hear and see
oh what's that word
oh yeah
personal responsibility.

Maybe one day I will grow up
I know I really should
I'm not that young anymore
and I can't do all the things
I used to before
Yeah I walk a little slower
Yeah I take a little longer
but you couldn't be wronger
when it comes to what you think
you know about me
I will not deny or confirm
anything that you heard
and if I did
it would be more than you deserve
maybe I am being callous
maybe I am full of malice
but that's my problem and not yours
so don't test me
or you will hit the floor
my bite is worse than my bark
and I am even more dangerous
after dark
especially if I give into my addictions
and I do it with conviction
I know I should know better
given my family's history of drug-induced
insanity
but I can only take so much of your
inanity
I don't care who you pretend to be
maybe you are a star in some alternative reality
but you're just another annoying nobody
to me
I am a master at the art of cruelty
and I have no qualms about ripping off your mask
so the whole world can see
who you truly be
I know there are those who say
mean people suck
but I don't give a fuck
other people's opinions never really
meant much to me
and I ain't sorry.

There are times when I find myself in situations
that cause me the kind of aggravation
where I want to react in a way
that is unbecoming

Oh mama, mama
Oh mama, mama
What's going on
Oh tell me
What's going on!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS

One more line of coke
One more hit of hash
One more bottle of cheap wine
Melting slowly in my chair
Empty thoughts fill my wasted mind
Some song by the Grateful Dead
is running through my head
Slowly I fade into obscurity
Floating in space I sit and stare
Time to do another white line
I got that feeling now
It's one of those nights

One of those nights
Am I crazy
My thoughts are hazy
One of those nights
I'm feeling blue
I don't know what to do
One of those nights

Ain't got no money
Ain't got no woman
Ain't got no more good friends
Plenty of booze to put me under
Foggy memories of past good times
Haunt my soul - where did they go
What did I do - where did I go wrong
Questions without answers
Wish I had the chance to start over again
I'm so lost floating in a sea of doubt
I got that feeling now
It's one of those nights

One of those nights
Am I crazy
My thoughts are hazy
One of those nights
I'm feeling blue
I don't know what to do
One of those nights

I've got a lot to give
But I drown it in my heartbreak
At the end of my rope
I've given up all hope
Am I lost forever - can I be saved
Tell me someone is it too late
So messed up I can't see straight
Reaching out for a helping hand
But I can't seem to grab a hold
I'm feeling so lost and lonely
I got that feeling now
It's one of those nights

One of those nights
Am I crazy
My thoughts are hazy
One of those nights
I'm feeling blue
I don't know what to do
One of those nights


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


OUR FATHER

Our Father
who art in heaven
have you taken a look
out of your window lately
insanity, vanity, inanity
is this what you wanted our world
to be
or are you just another fool
just like me
but only time will tell
if there is really
a heaven and a hell
only time will tell
only time will tell...

I shall keep on praying
praying for the white light
to fill my soul
to heal my soul
and each and every other soul
I pray for the white light
to make us whole

This world used to be
the garden of eden
but now the world lies bleeding
its been 2000 years
and the only thing that has not changed
has been the passage of time
as everything else keeps getting
changed and re-arranged
because nothing is true
and everything is permitted
and none of us every really get it
and yet...

I keep on praying
praying for the white light
to take the darkness out of my life
I keep on praying for the white light
to fill my soul
to heal my soul
and each and every other soul
I pray for the white light
to make us all whole
I pray for the white light...

Things are just the same as they ever were
same shit...different day
and it seems like that its always
been that way
people treating people
in ways unimaginable
just so unfathomable
and it keeps getting harder
to be forgiving
in this age that we are living
because it is
technology vs. biology
reason vs. soapbox pop psychology
and other lies they are selling
and people are buying this week's
quick-fix ideology
madmen and monsters
making money on misfortune and despair
and I just want to cry out
why is life so unfair...

But I keep on praying
praying for the white light
to fill my soul
to heal my soul
and each and every other soul
I pray for the white light
to help me make it through this life
I pray for the white light
and I know that it is right
and I keep praying for the white light
to take the darkness from my life...

Our father
who art in heaven
have you taken a look out your window
today
the planet is polluted
the truth is diluted
and our lives are computed
it is no wonder
we are so deluded

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OUTLAW NATION

I woke up today
just like any other day
I turned on the TV
with the sound turned down
I put my favorite song
on the stereo
all the way loud
Looked out my window
and watched all the strangers
walk on by
Its almost as if I'm afraid
afraid to go outside
because of the thoughts
in my head
that i feel I must hide...

Because...
I belong to
Outlaw Nation
where the truth
wears no disguise
Outlaw Nation
fueled by anger and frustration
Outlaw Nation
on the edge and
almost out of time
Outlaw Nation
so tired of the lies...

Feeling all alone
I call my mother
on the telephone
to have a heart to heart
but we are...
we are worlds apart
my hair's too long
my music's too loud
my clothes too strange
plus a hundred other things
she'd like to change
and re-arrange
so she could feel proud
when she said my name
but...

I belong to
Outlaw Nation
We roam the streets
of this so-called
great nation
Outlaw Nation
on the run
Outlaw Nation
dreaming of sailing off
into the sun
Outlaw Nation
feeling afraid for everyone...

I wait for the dark
so I can take a walk
down the street
and across the park
to the place your momma
said to never
ever
ever go there
where the music's loud
and the booze is cheap
and some of the people
there
will give you the creeps
sometimes I just watch
sometimes I just dance
because you got to take
a chance...

When you belong to
Outlaw Nation
Where you got to stand
or you will fall
in Outlaw Nation
victim or villain
saint or hero
in Outlaw Nation
no matter how hard
you try to fly
in Outlaw Nation
you always end up
back at zero
in Outlaw Nation

The times are a'changin'
the state of the world
needs some re-arranging
Big Brother getting wack
like a monkey on our backs
telling us what to do
what to say
read
and hear
they have a thousand and one
ways
to make our souls
feel fear
using technology
to teach the children
to hate
will we wake up
before it is too late...

In Outlaw Nation
I belong
you belong
and if we stand strong
In Outlaw Nation
we can tear down
the walls
In Outlaw Nation
open your eyes
and your hearts
or hate will
tear us apart
In Outlaw Nation...

I woke up today
just like any other day
I turned on the TV
with the sound turned down
I put my favorite song
on the stereo
all the way loud
Looked out my window
and watched
all the strangers
walk on by......

2.24.90

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


PERFECT

I wish I was a perfect fag
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you
I wish I had the right hair,
the right clothes, the right look, the right smile
The one that drives all the other perfect fags wild
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you!

It's another night at any gay bar in any town
in America
Everybody's got their mask on
They just wanna get some
Hoping they got it right
Hoping tonight is the night they meet Mr. Right
The one who will make them smile
The one who makes it all seem worthwhile
The one who will make them believe
it will be alright.

I wish I was a perfect fag
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you
I wish I had the right hair,
the right clothes, the right look, the right smile
The one that drives all the other perfect fags wild
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you!

It's another night and I watch the sights from my
ivory tower
It's getting late as the time slips on by
hour by hour
I sit and drink and I live my lie
Dreaming of being free as a butterfly!

I wish I was a perfect fag
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you
I wish I had the right hair,
the right clothes, the right look, the right smile
The one that drives all the other perfect fags wild
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you!

But our world is all blah, blah, stab, stab
Who's back is that knife in now
No wonder we can never seem to win
No wonder it's the same old story again and again
No wonder our world is in the shape it is in!

I wish I was a perfect fag
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you
I wish I had the right hair,
the right clothes, the right look, the right smile
The one that drives all the other perfect fags wild
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you!

You know I really hate to whine
Especially about my own kind
I'm not paranoid, you know
But I hear the chatter
I know it shouldn't matter
And I shouldn't take it so personal
But words can hurt don't you know
I try not to be bitter
I try not to be a quitter
But some things do matter!

I wish I was a perfect fag
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you
I wish I had the right hair,
the right clothes, the right look, the right smile
The one that drives all the other perfect fags wild
I wish I was a perfect fag just like you!

I wanna shake it up, I wanna wake up
I wanna break up the routine of being
the most perfect fag on the scene
I wanna wake up, I wanna be a human being
I wanna be a perfect fag
I wanna be a perfect fag just like you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE POLITICS OF SKIN

The politics of skin and the politics of sex
a deadly combination with long-lasting effects
power, corruption, and lies
everybody seems to have alibis
when it comes to taking the blame for this game
that we play every day
inexcusable behavior in the name of the savior
I know I shouldn't judge and I shouldn't bear a grudge
but some people just refuse to budge
from the corners they have backed themselves into
all because they don't want to face the truth
they rather let their lies choke them like a noose
but I refuse to give up hope that one day
this world will be a beautiful place.

The politics of hate and the politics of waste
it's such a disgrace
I feel so ashamed as the tears run down my face
some have so much
and some don't have enough to even barely survive
because here in America
we have become immune to the tragedy and the pain
living life as if it was a video game
you can fill in the blank with any ole name
Jesus used to heal the blind and the lame
but these days no one can stop the rain
from falling down from the sky
but I have a dream and you may ask why
but despite what you may think of me
I truly believe in the goodness of humanity
regardless of the insanity
that we see on the evening news
oh lord, it gives me the blues.

The politics of man and the politics of God
everyone has got their own version of the truth
they say seeing is believing
but looks can be deceiving
so look before you leap
because beauty is only skin deep
why do all the old clichés ring true
especially when you don't want them to
if everybody could walk a mile in somebody else's shoes
would it change the world
would it change your attitude
would you be a little kinder
would you be more understanding
I know this may seem a bit demanding
but imagine the view from where
someone else is standing
call me a hypocrite and tell me I'm full of shit
but that just means you really don't get it.

The politics of the damned and the politics of the saved
the endless cycle from the cradle to the grave
it's basically the same story
whether you're weak or brave or bold or naive
the same shit ever since Adam and Eve
I know you might find
some of the things I say
hard to believe
there are those who call it blasphemy
but I have the best intentions
regardless of my many inventions
so take a look at yourself
before you throw the first stone
because most of us live as we die
alone
so many of us try so hard to hide our pain
that we forget to appreciate what we got
even though some of us may not have a lot.

The politics of skin and the politics of sex
here we are back at the beginning
wondering what's next
I don't want to sound condescending
or like I'm trying to be offending
but sometimes there are things that got
to be said
regardless of who's feelings get hurt
everybody makes mistakes
and in real life there are no second takes
only second chances if you are lucky
because most go down in flames
and vanish without a trace
just another forgotten face
we all got our own sob story
we all want to go for the glory
but in the end
actions speak louder than words
and you get what you deserve
even when life throws you a curve
God can be funny that way
but at the end of the day
we will be judged by what we do
and not by what we say.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


PORTRAIT OF A TRAGEDY

The nighttime world in which I dwell
sometimes it's a taste of heaven, and sometimes it's pure hell
The midnight hour seems to have some kind of power
over everyone that I see when I leave the safety of my private sanctuary
I arrive on the scene and walk through the door of my club
and it's all eyes on me
I know the looks and I know the smiles
but I'm the one who has traveled the miles
and you're still trying to catch up with yesterday's styles
I really hate to have to be so rude
because I really do believe in peace and love
but you had to go and cross that line
I know we're supposed to be a polite society
but then you had to go and challenge my sobriety
I see the faces looking so expectantly waiting for me to cause a scene
because everyone knows I'm supposed to be a crazy queen
but words can be such better weapons these days
I close my eyes and tell myself not to stoop to your level
because that would make me no better than the devil
so I just walk away and sing this song about somebody just like you
a portrait of a tragedy
a brokedown excuse for a human being
a portrait of a tragedy
what a waste - what a waste
because you are what you chose to be
so let me just be me and I will let you be you
it's so easy to do so what's wrong with you
that I had to take the time to write this song for you
a portrait of a tragedy
painted all in blue
it's so sad but it's true
a portrait of a tragedy
boohoo!

They say all the world is a stage
and it only takes a few drinks to free me from my cage
then as the song says - I'm movin' on up because I'm beautiful, dammit
and everyone knows the mirror never lies even when you close your eyes
and hope that when you open them things will be different
I see you standing there like a sculpture on public display
having your little moral dilemma
and every mistake you ever made is written bright as day
all over your face
I see you catch me watching as you try to maintain
your false sense of security
I did not mean to stare but then you had to go and try
to give me your pathetic attempt at an evil glare
I know I really should not care but I'm bored
and I'm a master at this game and it's time to share the pain
I got a million different ways to break you down as I send in the clowns
sometimes I just got to live up to my reputation
and give all the fools something to talk about
maybe when I wake up in the morning I might regret what I said and did
but I hope these words will always ring in your head
until the day you are dead and your tombstone says
a portrait of a tragedy
too blind to see where this road leads
a portrait of a tragedy
painted all in blue
a portrait of a tragedy
it's so sad but it's true
I'm glad it's not me but I can't shed any tears for you
a portrait of a tragedy
boohoo!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


POWDER QUEEN

Powder queen
Powder queen
Just another dope fiend
Wired and tired
Got yourself mired
Down in the gutter
with the losers and the liars
Kidding yourself
that you need to get higher!

Paralyzed and impotent
Is this what you meant...
Meant to do with your life
Wasting your time
and blowing your mind
Look on the inside
and what do you find
Too many lies
and too many lines
Ain't it funny
how the time flies
Somewhere an angel cries!

Powder queen
Powder queen
Just another dope fiend
Looking like a mess
complaining about the stress
Remember when
you thought you were the best
But now
you're living like a shadow
in the night
Looking in the mirror
gives you a fright!

Powder queen
Powder queen
Just another dope fiend
Living life in a shell
trying to escape
your own private hell
But it looks like
you're not doing so well
When you look in the mirror
you wish you could
wipe the slate clean
and get a real life
Do you know what I mean
Addiction is like a trap
your spirit it will snap
and your soul
it will tap
Until you are empty and full of pain
laying in bed
driving yourself insane!

Powder queen
Powder queen
Just another dope fiend
Will you take the step
to break its grip
or will you continue...
continue to slip
Until you fall so far
you forget who you are
I know
because I have been there
It was like I did not care
if I was alive
or dead
I just wanted to kill
the noise in my head
But now I am just another...

Powder queen
Powder queen
Just another dope fiend
Wondering how I got here
Wondering if the end is near
What is it that I fear
Feeling lonely
shallow and hollow
Where is this place that I wallow
Can't believe all the lies
that I swallowed
Because now I am tired
and this is not the life
I desired!

Powder queen
Powder queen
Just another dope fiend
Wired and tired
Got yourself mired
Down in the gutter
with the losers and the liars
Kidding yourself
that you need to get higher!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


PRACTICAL JOKE #13

a blinding orb
of fiery madness
singed my eyes
as I stood
frozen
white light
reflections
from the melting
patches
of snow
stole my sight
like some kind of
practical joke
god was playing
on me.

1.23.1985

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


QUESTIONS #6

Why does it seem
the simple things
like love
hurt so much...
What does it mean
that two people
could be so
cruel...
that they take
each other
for the fool...
How does it begin
with angry words
hurled in
blind reason...
They say that for
everything
there is a
season...
Why is life
so tough
Why can living
be so rough
Why is the best
I can
never enough...

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QUESTIONS OF A MADMAN PONDERING REALITY or (LIFE IS BULLSHIT)

A madman reveling in his insanity
Thoughts about thoughts
A revelation appeared
(We are drifting in blind orbits, helpless, alone)

Opaque reality hides truth
But what is truth
Truth is perception
(If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything
would appear to man as it truly is, infinite)

Laughing sadly
For it is something man cannot achieve
Fascination with the dark
It blocks the path
Freaks, hookers, pimps
Sex fiends of all means
Where do they fit in
(The voyeur is a dark comedian)

Laughing sadly
Man keeps trying to deceive
The universal fear is always near
The lust for life is always dear
To some masking the fear
Is the answer
Why
(The appeal of drugs lies in the fear of death)

How true
He said

Deeper thoughts about deeper concepts
Or were they precepts
Intangible precepts
(You may look at things but not taste them)
Incest is one
Some say it is best
(You may caress the mother only with the eyes)

Wanton lust
Deep desires
Secrets only the soul knows
Enter the psyche
I know you
But you don't know me
I'm yours

Seek me
(I won't come out you must come in to me
Into my womb garden where I peer out
Where I can construct a universe within
the skull to rival the real)

Come on in
You are quite welcome
But don't get lost
Remember
Look but don't taste
(with an image there is no attendant danger)
do you understand
I do

A madmen reveling in his insanity
Thought about thoughts
A revelation appeared
Laughing sadly
Life is bullshit...

(Thanks to James Douglas Morrison for the quotes in parenthesizes)



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RAIN SLEEP

A tapestry
of muted insanity
veiled my dreams
with shadows of
darkness -
I lay in disquise
watching time march
across the ceiling
in a secret parade
of ghost -
hectic visions crowded
my sleep like raindrops
on a windowpane
on a dark stormy
night -

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


REFLECTIONS

Hiding in the shadows
Running from life
A messed up mind
So full of doubt
I wish I could find a way out

Smiling on the outside
Crying on the inside

Got an ache in my heart
Its got a grip on my soul
And it won't let go
It's tearing me apart
What am I going to do
I'm stuck in the middle again
Got my head in a tailspin
I got to find something new
Before I break down and cry
I got to break these binds
Before they break me
and I do not know why

(Cryptic don't cha think)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


REQUIEM FOR EMINEM

I will kill you with my words
I will make you burn, I will make you squirm
I will kill you with my words!
Every dog has his day and now it is my turn
I have waited a long time and just like an elephant
I can remember every little thing you did to me
just like it was yesterday
Pointing and laughing with your so-called friends
Acting like I had eyes that could not see
I don't understand why you did what you did to me
it did not have to be but the truth will set you free...

So I will kill you with my words
I will make you burn, I will make you squirm
I will kill you with my words!
It is a lesson you got to learn
Because I know I was not the only one with who
you had what you call fun
you are just lucky none of them had a gun
We all have the scars to prove, and to remind us
of the damage that was done
Every careless word, every thoughtless action
will produce some kind of reaction
and the past will come back to haunt you
and there is nothing that you can do...

So I will kill you with my words
I will make you burn, I will make you squirm
I will kill you with my words!
And you know that I am right
So I hope you see the light and pray for God to forgive
because I will not until you are dead
I am going to kill you with my words
and I...I will be heard and you will get what you deserve
and in hell you will serve and you will get what you earn
because every dog gets his turn
you had yours and now it is mine
so get ready for crying time
because I am going to kill you with my words
kill you with my words
kill you
kill!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ROCK'N'ROLL DREAMS

Front row seats at a rock'n'roll show
A young boy is losing control
Stars in his eyes
Dreams in his head
Electric thunder from the stage
Tells his friends he's gonna be there one day
Stars in his eyes
Dreams in his head
Blinded
He can't be stop
Thinks he's going to the top.

Rock'n'roll dreams
Sometimes come true
Rock'n'roll dreams
For the lucky few
Rock'n'roll dreams
Don't get carried away!

He just wants to sing his song
Is that so wrong
He just wants to play electric guitar
Be a rock'n'roll star
Pretty women
Fast cars
Stacks of money to the sky
He thinks he can fly
He thinks it's all play and no work
Or so he thinks
He can't see the lies
Because of the stars in his eyes.

Rock'n'roll dreams
Sometimes come true
Rock'n'roll dreams
For the lucky few
Rock'n'roll dreams
Don't get carried away!

Backstage pass
Front page story
He's on the rise
He believes the lies
Stars in his eyes
Dreams in his head
Shooting star
Rock'n'roll glory burning brightly
Hear the crowd's cries
Stars in his eyes
Dreams in his head
Here today, gone tomorrow
Life in the fast lane gonna take him away
Front row tickets at a rock'n'roll show
A young boy is losing control...

Rock'n'roll dreams
Sometimes come true
Rock'n'roll dreams
For the lucky few
Rock'n'roll dreams
Don't get carried away!

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ROCK'N'ROLL FOREVER

THUNDERING DRUMS
POUNDING BASS
SCREAMING GUITAR
Rock and rolling
Getting down...

WATCH OUT!

Brothers and sisters listen to my song
Listen to what I have to say
Rock'n'roll is my guiding light.
People always seem to put it down
Say it is too dirty, say it is too loud.
Why can't they understand
Rock'n'roll is here to stay
And it's never going away,
Why can't they understand.
Don't let it get you down, just play it proud
Keep on rockin' and just spread it around
It ain't wrong ooooh - it is right
Listen to me it is the way
Brothers and sisters don't get me wrong.

People you got to stand up for your rights
Don't go down without a fight.
They say it is the devil's music
That it will lead us astray
Get us hooked on drugs and sex.
Why can't they understand.
Rock'n'roll now, what is next
What will they try to take away
It's only wrong if you choose it.
We ain't wrong, might not be right
We just want something to help pass the night.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ROCK'N'ROLL QUEEN

Rock-n-Roll is her favorite game
At every show she can be seen
Nobody even knows her name
Cause she's a rock-n-roll queen

She's one helluva rocker
A real showstopper
The dirtiest head-knocker
No one can top her
She's a rock-n-roll queen

Got to have a piece of the action
She's always makin' the scene
Definitely guarantees satisfaction
Cause she's a rock-n-roll queen

She's one helluva rocker
A real showstopper
The dirtiest head-knocker
No one can top her
She's a rock-n-roll queen

Messin' with the boys in the band
They're so dirty and mean
Never lettin' it get out of hand
Cause she's a rock-n-roll queen

She's one helluva rocker
A real showstopper
The dirtiest head-knocker
No one can top her
She's a rock-n-roll queen

Never taking any of their shit
She's so cool, they're so obscene
What they want, they never get
Cause she's a rock-n-roll queen

She's one helluva rocker
A real showstopper
The dirtiest head-knocker
No one can top her
She's a rock-n-roll queen.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ROLL OF THE DICE

Movie Stars
TV Stars
Rock'n'Roll Stars

Living their lives in the fast lane
Wealth and fame is the name of the game
Trying to hide behind a facade
Cause their lives are always on parade
Once they're in, they never come out the same
It's enough to drive them insane
The pressure and pain is hard to cope
Trying to ease their minds with dope
What a price to pay, it's a crying shame
Once it's lost it's hard to regain

Playing with their lives
Peace of mind is all they yearn
Won't they ever realize
Death's a hard lesson to learn
Acting blindly isn't wise
Never know when it'll be their turn

Just want to see their names in lights
No matter what they have to sacrifice
Never taking the time to think
While standing alone at the brink
Getting lost on some kind of vice
Only want to try to reach new heights
Giving up a piece of their heart
Wasted, their souls get torn apart
Running from life like scared little mice
Why do they go down without a fight

Playing with their lives
Peace of mind is all they yearn
Won't they ever realize
Death's a hard lesson to learn
Acting blindly isn't wise
Never know when it'll be their turn

Begging, pushing, we keep asking for more
Giving all they got is never enough
Under the scrutiny of our eyes
We ignore their silent cries
Masking their pain when things get rough
They don't want to get kicked out the door
What a price to pay for glory
Always ends up the same old story
They snuff the wick with just one puff
Wind up forgotten and dead on the floor

Playing with their lives
Peace of mind is all they yearn
Won't they ever realize
Death's a hard lesson to learn
Acting blindly isn't wise
Never know when it'll be their turn

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE SAD TALE OF AN AGING BITTER QUEEN

This is the sad tale
of an aging bitter queen
sitting on his barstool
Living in his memories
of when he thought
he was king of the scene

When people used to say
you're such a shining star
When people used to say
we know you're gonna go far
Now people say
how did he get that way
He wasn't like that
yesterday

Because
He used to smile
He used to be so wild
Now he's so jaded
and oh so faded.

This is the sad tale
of an aging bitter queen
Wearing a mask
and swallowing his pride
He keeps his anger
hidden inside
Hanging his head in shame
ever since the first time
he got called that name

His family
turned their backs
His friends
walked away
Nobody really knew
what to say

Because
He used to smile
He used to be so wild
Now he's so jaded
and oh so faded.

This is the sad tale
of an aging bitter queen
He's buried all his friends
and now he lays awake nights
praying for his sins
He has scary dreams
He wakes and he screams
But reality is a bitter pill
to swallow
when your soul is
hollow

Because
He used to smile
He used to be so wild
Now he's so jaded
and oh so faded.

This is the sad tale
of an aging bitter queen
Hope he wakes up
and becomes
a human being.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SICK JUNKIE TIME

It's sick junkie time
waiting for the pain to begin
one more time
it's one more line
and I'll never do it again.

But it's just another line
in a long list of lies
oh, ain't it funny
ain't it funny
how the time always seems to fly
you try to say goodbye
you try to break the ties
but you nearly lose your mind
so you hit the streets
spinning out of control
driven by the hunger
that the white devil
put in your soul.

And it's sick junkie time again
and you know you can never,
never win
a lesson learned time and time again
but you never seem to listen
and the white lines
they glisten
bringing you to shame
because you know
you're the only one to blame.

So you better wake up
and you better shape up
or it's gonna be sick junkie time again
sick junkie time
for me and you
again
so don't be a fool
again.

Sick junkie time
They call it a victimless crime
Sick junkie time
Another soul taken in its prime
Sick junkie time
There ain't no reason
And there ain't no rhyme
when you are living on...
Sick junkie time!

It's sick junkie time
waiting for the pain to begin
one more time
it's one more line
and I'll never do it again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SILENT EARS

Reality has gotten me down
Wish I were six feet underground
Everybody seems to be on my back
Don't like the things I do
Or my good friends like you
Telling me to get on the right track
I don't give a damn what they say
I never listen any way...

Looking for an escape
I got to get away
Looking for an escape
Living my life my way
Looking for an escape
I wanna be free one day...

People say I live my life wrong
People say my hair is too long
Feed me shit about my "punk" friends
Tell me I ain't no good
That I'm just a street hood
Say I'm going to hell for my sins
I don't give a damn what they say
I never listen anyway...

Looking for an escape
I got to get away
Looking for an escape
Living my life my way
Looking for an escape
I wanna be free one day...

Some people wish I was dead
But they are screwed in the head
With open mouths and closed minds
They look down on me
They don't want me to be free
One day I'm gonna break the binds
That tie my free spirit down
Then people won't treat me like a clown...

Looking for an escape
I got to get away
Looking for an escape
Living my life my way
Looking for an escape
I wanna be free one day...

(1985)

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SING THE SONG

I just want to sing the song
that makes you feel like you belong
but
there are so many things
that make it so hard to decide
if you are being right
instead of wrong...

Maybe I am who I want to be
Maybe I am the one
that I want you to see
Maybe I should remember
to be part of reality
but
I tell myself not to act
like I am a superstar
and if you cut me
it will only leave a scar...

So we find ourselves looking at
each other
wondering why we even bother
when the words have no meaning
and secret hungers have us fiending
and there ain't no use in pleading
when people can be so misleading
as our souls lie bleeding...

Sometimes it's so hard to understand
why some people can be so cruel
and why life sometimes can be so brutal
I hate to be less than truthful
pretending it's business as usual...

But every now and then
I must catch my breath
and count to ten
and start all over again
I tell myself not to make the same mistakes
and I got what it takes
but life can be such a mystery
and no matter how hard you try
We always re-write history
because it can be so easy
and the memories can still burn
with an intensity that leaves you screaming
please release me...

I just want to sing the song
that makes you feel like you belong
because we all should get along
as the clock keeps on ticking
I got my eyes wide open
taking it all in without blinking
trying to swim without sinking
but people like you got me freaking
wondering what the hell
was I thinking...

I just want to sing the song
that makes you feel like you belong
but there are so many things
that make it so hard to decide
if I am being right
or wrong.

9.15.2008

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SILENCE OF ETERNITY

I guard the streets at night
the new messiah
the paul revere of the
damned

but it's really not me
but it is
I hide in my den
sleep all day
play all night

dancing on the edge
all along the walls
of babylon
and I babble on
from my ivory
tower of babel

demons disguised as
dark assassins
hide behind my eyes
minds like smoldering
guns
plotting the suicide
of GOD

eyes stare into the
darkness
seeking to sate
an unknown hunger
that has plagued
the human soul
since the days of adam

i smile
laughing like a fool
I have forgotten
pain
and feel nothing
but the silence
of eternity.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SONG FOR MY GRANDDADDY

I

a deep sleep
in the dark of night
a portent dream
someone calling my name
somehow I knew tomorrow
would not be the same
a hazy vision
I was sitting on a couch
a familiar voice
telling me goodbye
telling me be strong
do not cry

listen he said
my time has come
I am going home
watch over your grandmother
do not leave her alone

a single tear
fell to my soul
a broken heart
happy memories of yesteryears
flowed from me in a river of tears
a deep sleep
in the heart of winter
an empty feeling
deep in my heart
time to begin again
but where do I start.

II

why did you die
I asked god

crying in my heart
tearing me apart
I wanna scream

maybe it is just a dream.

III

they came
- so did I
they stood
and waited
- so did I
they cried
- so did I
they prayed
- so did I, but I knew
it was no good
because it
was his
time
the doctor said
his brain was
dead
and the family
must decide
- I knew they would
make the right choice
to pull the plug
- but I had no voice
in the matter
or keep him on
a machine
- but I knew
like a vegetable
- he would hate that
I knew
the answer came
- I knew it would
turn it off
let him go in
peace
- I knew he would
want it that way
5:45 the machine
stopped
- I felt it
6:00 his heart
stopped
- I felt it, but
I knew
it was
right
granddaddy will rest in peace tonight.

IV

my silent eyes
swollen red
my falling tears
he is dead.

my broken heart
silent agony
my secret fears
sudden reality.

my shattered soul
losing control
his endless love
making me whole.

my many memories
shining bright
I will sing the song
of rebirth
tonight.

V

family, friends, and relatives

they sent the flowers
they brought their
condolences
- we're so sorry -

in a casket granddaddy lay
for all the world to see
at peace he lay
because he had
gone home
finally

they stood and talked
fond memories of
yesterday
- remember when... -

in a casket granddaddy lay
being sent on his way
he told me that
he was afraid
of hell
tomorrow we shall gather
and we will pray

- he was a good man... -
in a casket granddaddy lay.

VI

I had a dream last
night
he was still alive
and I was gonna meet
him
at a quarter til five
I awoke and I knew
it was just a
dream
and I would never see
him again
until it was my time.

VII

Memories dance in my head
It's funny the things you think of
when someone's
dead.
It seems like yesterday that
he was bouncing me
on his knee,
But tomorrow I'm going to
lay him down
six feet in the ground.
I'm going to miss him so
but I got to keep going
because he told me so.
I think I cried my eyes out
but I know without a doubt
he loved me so much I could
shout,
I loved him from the bottom
of my heart
now I am falling apart,
But I think of yesterday
and see the light to
show me the way.

VIII

memories
a kaleidoscope inside
of my head
sunday rides
going to dinner at the
town and country
sitting in Warrenton
watching the people
go by
listening to the stories
about the war years
and things I will
never repeat
falling tears
my brain is going
faster
summertime vacations
Niagara Falls
down in a coal mine
Kings Dominion
and South of the Border
country fairs on a
cool summer night
almost like a dream

my aching heart
what am I going to do
Christmas Day sitting by your side
going to the service station
a shoulder to cry on
the smell of old spice
cussing and fighting
man...
did you lead a life

my screaming soul
wondering why

listening to your gripes
telling you mine
sharing secrets
that will stay inside
eating dinner and watching
TV
being there when I needed
you
just remember granddaddy
I love you.

IX

I just wanna cry
because
you will never see me
get married
or
your great grandchildren
or
see me make it big
because I wanna buy you
a brand new cadillac

I just wanna cry
because
I never got to say
goodbye.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A SONG FOR THE UNKNOWN

I can see your shadows circling like vultures,
I can feel your every thought trying to penetrate my mind,
and you ain't trying to be kind.
I know your thoughts aren't for my well-being,
and no, they ain't hallucinations that I am seeing.
I cannot believe all the drama and all the imaginary traumas
about the things I say and the things I do.
So just, just what is up with you.

I just want you to be happy
I just want you to have a nice day
Why oh why, can't things be that way!

Life should be so much more
than just being a company whore.
Life is everything we got, like it or not.
Sometimes things never go the way we want them to,
Sometimes people make us feel so blue
and we are unsure just what the hell we should do.
But what are we to do?

I just want you to be happy
I just want you to have a nice day
Why oh why, can't things be that way!

We all have the things we wished we didn't say.
We all have things we wished we didn't do.
But you know everyday is a brand new day,
and it's up to you to take care of you.
Because only you know you!

I just want you to be happy
I just want you to have a nice day
Why oh why, can't things be that way!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SORRY, BUT...

Do you remember baby when you
met me on the dance floor
Something in your heart wanted to
make you follow me out the door
Well you came on strong
I thought it wasn't wrong
When you let your heart show
I thought my love would grow
But baby you put my head in a spin
I got caught in a whirlwind
I was blinded by lust and
I thought it was love
They're playing the last song
and I'm dancing with your heart
I know I'm gonna break it
And it's tearing me apart
I don't want to make you cry
but I don't want my love to be a lie
It's last dance and I gotta go
I really do love you
That's something I want you to know.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


STANDING AT THE EDGE

Standing at the edge
Wondering if I should fall
secret of the ages
escapes me
They say all things will pass
and for everything there is a
time
Wishing I could turn the
pages of time
So the secrets untold will unfold
I want to know
I want to know what to say
Will there be a world tomorrow
Somebody tell me
I really want to know
Can I live my life
Or would it just be futile...

BURN BABY BURN!

I can hear them say
Russian Roulette is what they play
One more time - mental decay
Pushbutton warfare - any day
Apocalypse
What a drag
Life should be fun
Not on the run
Not at the end of a gun
This world needs a love song
Everybody sing it
Reach out and touch somebody
Sing that song of love
Dreams can become reality
State your mind
You will find
You're not far behind
Voices calling - calling out
But who's listening?

(1986)

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STOP COUNTING THEN

too many times
I have too many questions
about too many things

sometimes I don't even know
who I am
sometimes I don't even care

too many people
tell me too many things
that make no sense to
me at all

sometimes I look in the mirror
just to see who I see
sometimes I just
just want to scream

am I living in a dream
or is it just my
worst nightmare
coming alive in me

I'm not a boy anymore
not quite a man yet
but there are a few things
I do understand, you bet

this world ain't what it
used to be (oh yeah)
the blind aren't the only
ones who can't see (oh yeah)
do you know what it means -
means to be free? (tell me, oh yeah)

too many times
I have too many questions
with too few answers

too many times
I find myself praying -
praying I live to see the dawn.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE STORM OF THE EYE

down at the park today
these black men
all fucked up on
life
and loveboat
had tied this other guy
to a tree
acting out some loveboat
TV fantasy
in jagged motions
they parodied
some bad guys torturing
a victim
for some vital
information
that they had no use
for, but
to help them to pass
time.

1989

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STREET RATS

Living our lives out on the road
Don't have no worries or cares
Just trying to sing our song
So don't get us wrong
We don't mean you no harm
We just wanna rock-n-roll

Street rats - always on the run
Street rats - friends to no one
Street rats - trying to have fun

We got the music in our souls
We don't mean to cause you alarm
We like our music hard and loud
And we love to play it proud
So don't laugh and put us down
Just because we ain't your kind

Street rats - always on the run
Street rats - friends to no one
Street rats - trying to have fun

We love to rock you
We love to turn you on
We are street rats

If you don't like us, we don't mind
Just get your ass out of our town
Cuz some people hold us dear
And our music they wanna hear
So we're gonna rock you
'Til you can't rock no more

Street rats - always on the run
Street rats - friends to no one
Street rats - trying to have fun

Soon we'll be comin' to your door
And there's nothing you can do
Plenty of wine, women, and song
You just can't go wrong
Just throw away your cares
It's gonna be a rock-n-roll overload!!!

C'mon boy
Street rats - always on the run
Street rats - friends to no one
Street rats - trying to have fun

Comin' your way
Anyday
Just you wait'n'see
STREET RATS!!!

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STROKE OF LUCK

My invisible tragedy
my body divided in an instant second
a lifetime of feeling drained away
by a devil in my brain
that made me bleed
without making me suffer any pain
a travesty of cruelty
mocking me with hollow laughter
that I hope isn't God's
echoes inside of me
as I fear what tomorrow will bring.

In the darkness of night
I lay amongst the ghosts
that haunt this place
I pray to God
that when the morning comes
I can walk away from this place
but alas
I open my eyes
and realize it is not a dream
even though I feel like
a wounded animal trapped in a cage
but I do not dare to share my rage
as I get poked and prodded
and made to swallow
assorted pills to cure my ills
but I wish they would just let me sleep
in this place where time creeps.

My invisible tragedy
my body separated like an old friend
who has become a stranger
cold to my touch
unknowing and unfeeling
empty and unyielding
like an old forgotten photograph
that somehow seems familiar
the name on the tip of my tongue
but the words get lost
as I wrack my brain
trying to remember your name
or some other distant memory
so I can regain what we had
before that terrible moment
when the feeling died
and it seems like an ocean lies
between us
even though you are still connected
to my side
I cry out why
why won't you answer me
and the loneliness
eats like a cancer into my soul
because I want to be whole
but I don't know how to
speak the words
that you would hear and understand
so that we could be one
once again.

My invisible tragedy
my body conflicted
a struggle within that I vow to win
because every day I must strive
to feel alive
and keep my eye on the light
at the end of the tunnel
even when I feel
confused and muddled
lost and disgruntled
like I'm in a whirling eddy
going round and round
waiting for the darkness
to take me down
but somewhere
in the back of my mind
I find myself clinging to the hope
that tomorrow will throw me a rope
and pull me ashore
and let me know there is
so much more
as long as I hold my head up
and keep moving forward
I can be a giant among men
a phoenix rising from the dead
moving forward
into a future so bright
that never again
would I be lost
in the darkness of night.

My invisible tragedy
my body reunited
transforming into triumph
as I rise from the ashes of my former self
after using all my strength to crawl
through the valley of despair
where I found the courage and faith
I did not know I had
but I reached deep inside
and touched the sky
as angels of mercy pushed me forward
day by day by day
and I struggled forward
until I pulled myself off the ground
step by step by step
I grew stronger and stronger
and longer and longer
a smile stayed on my face
as I counted down the seconds
until I could leave this place
and return to the human race
hopefully a little wiser
and no worse for the wear
to live a new beginning
where my invisible tragedy
becomes
my visible victory!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE COST OF LIFE

I lay in my madness
pulling a trigger a thousand times
my thoughts are as black as
the night
with only the cool breeze
blowing in my window
to remind me I was not
in hell
I smell virgin blood
choking my sanity
with lost innocence
I dream I died with
a needle in my arm
as heavy metal poison
filled my head
with laughing
dancing demons
I see tears etching
trails of pain and sorrow
on my face
I send prayers to heaven
hoping they do not
fall on
deaf ears
I sing a song to my mother
asking her why
I see the sun
starting to rise
I thought I saw
angels
dancing
on the horizon.

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THE TERRORIST NEXT DOOR

The terrorist next door is just an eleven year old
with a computer and too much time
on their hands
video games show them how to kill
next it is send a threat via e-mail
did anybody ever tell them about the horrors of hell
you got to wear a flak jacket to the school house
pity the child
who is meek as a mouse
somebody better jump and shout and find out
what the hell is this shit all about
inquiring minds want to know
because the world is spinning faster
a crash course with disaster
kamikaze to the hereafter
inquiring minds want to know
because life is not a TV show
and all the signs point to someplace
I don't want to go
Inquiring minds they want to know
Oh yes they do.

The terrorist next door is just a little child
trapped in an adult body
but something went very wrong
once upon a time in their life
maybe mommy and daddy weren't very nice
maybe somebody done them wrong
in a way nobody wants to talk about
I try to live by example these days
but I had to go around the world
and to hell and back
before I woke up
and changed my evil ways
inquiring minds want to know
because the clock is ticking faster
people are acting much rasher
I'm not sure how much longer I can last here
inquiring minds want to know
how does your garden grow
but you reap what you sow
and I promise not to say I told you so
inquiring minds want to know
oh yes they do...

The terrorist next door may be your best friend
because some people are very clever
at hiding the devil within
I'm not trying to make you paranoid
or tell you who to avoid
or for that matter who to destroy
we all are responsible for our own joy
what more can I say
but love thy neighbor and pray
to live to see the day
the world sings in perfect harmony
inquiring minds want to know
because the world is spinning faster
so just let me know when we get there
that is all I care
inquiring minds want to know
but some questions don't have easy answers
so strive to be the masters of your own destinies
it is the only way to truly be free
inquiring minds want to know
oh yes they do
inquiring minds they want to know
they want to know
oh yes they do
oh yes they do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THEME TO AN IMAGINARY GAY BAR

Trolls and brats
junkies and gym rats
too much drama
it's so tragic
twisted and tweaked
it's no wonder that I am freaked
dealers and squealers
losers and creeps
haven't slept
a wink in a week
afraid of turning into a piece
of rotten meat
oh, ain't that sweet.

Do a bump
to the disco thump
everybody jump
jump into that k-hole
bitch
I want to see you twirl!

I hope it was worth the price
for you to see the sights
in your endless nights
I hope your wicked ways
don't come back to haunt you
especially when you are all alone
and nobody wants you.

Whores and johns
divas and icons
soap opera lifestyle
some people are so vile
and make it so hard to smile
drunks and drag queens
perverts and dope fiends
this might sound like the kettle
calling the pot black
but the last straw always
breaks the camel's back!

Do another bump
to the disco thump
hit the floor
try to dance
but you can't find your arms
don't forget
you were warned!

I hope you are having
a good time
losing your mind
I hope your wicked ways
don't swallow you up
and spit you out
and no one hears
the words
coming out of your mouth.

Faghags and sad sacks
motormouths
and suits on crack
nothing is real
and life has lost it's thrill
and it can't be fixed
with a pill
fagbashers and homophobes
politicians and judges' robes
with headlines contrived
the government connives
and the public buys the lies
even when the truth
bites them on the ass
and still
to that sinking ship
they cling fast
it's so sad
I only hope
this madness doesn't last.

So do another bump
to the disco thump
shake your body
and sing "la-di-dah"
and "everybody's free"
but between you and me
they live
in an alternative reality
because real life isn't like
what we see on TV
so scream and shout all you like
because deep down
you know I am right!

Do a bump
to the disco thump
jump into that k-hole bitch
I want to see you twirl!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THERE AIN'T NO REASON

I find myself
talking to myself
wondering why
you make me sigh
wondering why
I bother to try
wondering why
I just could cry
me oh my.

Here I am once again
a million questions in my head
but you act like
you wish I was dead
and I don't understand
I thought we were friends
but the look you just gave me
made me
feel like...

Maybe it is just a case
of being in the wrong place
at the wrong time
and the Lord knows
I did not mean to step on your toes
but you know how it goes...

I find myself
talking to myself
wondering why
you make me sigh
wondering why
I bother to try
wondering why
I just could cry
me oh my.

So here I am
going to California
high flying
flying high
I wonder what a cloud feels like
or how it would feel like
to freefall.

Somewhere underneath me
are the Rocky Mountains
I hope California
does not fall off
into the
sea
I think in my pants
I would pee.

Down on the ground
way way down
is Alan
He does not know it
but he is waiting for us
because
damn
I miss him so much
can't wait to touch
in a hug
that will be better
than any drug.

So here I am
Boris and me
flying to the edge
of the sea.

6.20.1988 - 7:30pm

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THEY MET AT THE GREEN LANTERN

They met at the Green Lantern
it was a Saturday night half past midnight
it was dark and crowded
way to loud to start a conversation
in the glow of the porno
that was on the video screens above the bar
he saw him from across the room
his eyes were glued to the spurting penises
floating overhead
controlling all eyes
he thought he would take a chance
and ask him if he would like a drink
as he pushed through the room
he could feel the hands trying to touch him
he felt like he was trying to swim
across oceans of perverts
he reached the bar and took a deep breath
and casually bumped the guy's arm
as he waited for him to respond
he put on his best smile
(the one that said I want you but not in the
way the men who patronize this place are usually
categorized, if you know what I mean)
he then said I'm sorry and hey can I buy you a drink
as he heard himself say the same old bullshit
he swear he would never say
first time - new in town - do you work out
the guy sort of smiled and muttered okay
his eyes never left the video screens
he stood in silence for a few minutes
in the mute silence of strangers
he felt the guy's hand on his leg and crotch
as the reflection of the porno in his eyes
made him go blank
he could feel the blood rush to his penis
his new friend said hey do you live nearby
because you are my kind of guy
maybe we could have some fun
he stood there thinking trying to clear
his mind from the drinking
but it has been a while since...
(you know what I mean)
he heard himself say yes and they left together
and he thought everyone was watching
he tried to tell himself it was just his imagination
he remembers touching skin
and then his mind goes blank
until the morning sunshine hits his face
and he wakes to his disgrace
he looks around
his watch - his TV - his wallet - his car keys
oh god
they are all gone
he sits there too ashamed to call the police
at least he ain't dead
soon it is nightfall
and he cannot resist the call
they met at the Green Lantern.

(Based on a true story)

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THEY SAY

They say
no man is an island
They say
time waits for no one
They say
everyone has their price
They say
the devil always gets his due...

If my life was a fairy tale
would it begin with
once upon a time
in a land faraway
there lived a princess
maybe it would
maybe it wouldn't
but in my case
my life has been more
of a whodunit.

They say
pride comes before the fall
They say
a penny saved is a penny earned
They say
every dog has their day
They say
it is better to give than receive...

When I was a child
I used to say my prayers
every night before I went to bed
asking the Lord
to watch over me
maybe he did
maybe he didn't
because it sure seems like
he forgot to
keep an eye on me.

They say
never judge a book by its cover
They say
always look before you leap
They say
love is a many splendored thing
They say
the truth will set you free...

I guess I am an adult now
hope I made my parents proud
been there and done that
but sometimes
I am not sure
where I am at
maybe I do
maybe I don't
but one of these days
I will get
where I want to be.

They say
no man is an island
They say
time waits for no one
They say
everyone has their price
They say
everything is up to you...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THIS IS A POEM

This is a poem
of insanity,
vanity
this is a poem
about dreaming,
scheming
this is a poem
about thickening plots,
like it or not

imaginary scenarios
in a fishbowl
for all to behold
...or can I be so bold
pictures at eleven
you know everybody
just wants to
get to heaven
...for some it's the 7-11
retrogression
court's in session
robbing the cradle
from beyond the grave
one way or another
everybody is a slave
master and servant
it's a game
we all like to
play
...I mean pray
dollars for Christ
or so the man
on the TV says
let's make a deal
salvation
in large denominations
please
and p.s. on your knees
know (no) one has
the keys
but me
line by line
you say you are
doing fine losing
weight staying
fit eating good
with your new
Japanese but made
in America car
and your 401K and
your computer and
your loving spouse
and your lovely
children and
then you sit in
front of the TV
screen watching
images that really
don't exist
figments (pigments)
of yours and
theirs
imaginations
which you lost as
a child because
the smell
of money
caught your mind
dollars and
dollars
thinking of dollars
in overtime
yeah, team
pipe dream
go, go, touchdown!
in your head
your soul drowns
down
lost and found
in a cage.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TIRED

Today I am tired
...tired of being a faggot
...tired of men who do
not know how to love
when it is offered to them
...tired of stupid queens
looking at me with blank eyes
using me to reflect their hate
of themselves to ease their pain
...tired of the psychedelic haze
I wander around in aimlessly
wishing I was someplace else
someone else
Today I am tired
too tired to cry
too tired to die

I wish I could take my face
and ball it up like a foolish love note
written to a foolish man and throw it away
I wish I could take my memories
strike a match and watch them
go up in smoke like a photograph
of a face you want to forget

I wish I could
take my life and put it in a
box
and put it on a shelf
in a corner
in a closet to gather dust
I wish I was
the morning dew
so I could evaporate in the high noon
sun
but come back everyday
To kiss the dawn.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TO BE ALIVE AND KICKING

I dance
I dance for my soul
I dance to keep my love alive
when I dance I make love to the music
I wrap the rhythm around my body like a piece of silk
I feel the smoothness of the notes caressing my soul
I twist and turn
guitars dance in my head making my skin tingle and burn
note by note
step by step
I spin around higher and higher until I can almost fly
I lose contact with reality
I forget where I am
I don't care who watches
I sweat and writhe
gyrating sensations fill my body as I come closer to
ecstasy
round and round until it seems like my feet are
no longer touching the ground
I breathe in and out
I sometimes scream and shout
when I dance I let it all out
I keep too much locked inside
afraid to let it out on the outside
up and down back and forth
I dance
I dance to keep from crying
I dance a prayer for the dying
I dance and my soul is flying
when I dance
is the only time I am free
I dance to be me
I dance wishing
I was dancing for you
until then
I dance to keep my love alive.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE TOILET SONG

the electric drone of the modern world
digitally processed its existence
into the core of my being
the data disturbed the organic flow of life
the inane beat of some forgotten pop song
circulated through my nervous system
I reeled from the horror of its logic
everything in its place
nothing straying from the natural collective order
2+2=4 at all times
I couldn't take it
I can't take it
I won't take it
but time beats me down like a master beats a slave
as the flow of time just continues
no purpose, no meaning
just endlessly marching
no expectations, no regrets, no hopes
just micro-unit upon micro-unit
building one after another into an unit of time
hour by day by week by month by year by decade
by century by eon
ad finitum
the same goddam story since the beginning of time
created by God
fuck him.

I was sitting on the toilet
and everybody knows that feeling
because everybody and I mean everybody
sits on the fucking toilet
I was feeling them turds just falling out of my ass
and I was just sitting there
thinking to myself
What the fuck was God thinking when he created defecation
it is just so foul
you find yourself sitting on some sort of 'porcelain'
(see "porcelain god" reference)
contraption
with your clothes around your feet
this odious odoriferous substance excretes itself out of your rectum
and depending on your diet
it comes in several varieties
just like ice cream at your neighborhood Baskins & Robbins
it clings, clumps, drips in all sorts of disgusting ways
and then one must use some sort of paper product
to wipe away the aforementioned substance
from one's rectal area
and hoping you leave no dingle berries
there is nothing worse than being with some hootchie
and you are getting busy as they say
and your hand goes roaming and you feel some dingle berries
talk about your "real monsters"
so anyways
back to the point of this articulation
what the fuck was God thinking
when he said "let there be defecation"
I personally cannot wait until I am walking up to them
"pearly gates and St. Peter"
so I can ask God,
Yo, G, what the fuck is up with taking a shit
couldn't you have thought of
somethin' better.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TO J.S.

I lay here in the dark
listening to you sleep
the gentle sound of
your breathing
turns into a song of
love in your head
as I gently kiss
your shoulder
because I am ecstatically
delighted
by the sunshine
you bring to my soul
your scent
carries me away
on a swirl of sensual
pleasure
as I recall our moments
of passionate
embrace
your taste, your touch
the smile on your
face
give me a glimpse
of heaven
I pray that our time
never ends
as I close my
eyes
and fall into the
delicious arms
of sleep
with a smile
on my
face

3.23.1999

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TOUCH ME LIKE A LOVER AGAIN

Touch me like a lover again
Touch me like a lover
and make my pain end
Touch me like a lover again
so my tears will end
Touch me like you used to
when our love was young
I know we have been together
for so very long
I always thought our love
would stay strong
right or wrong
through thick and thin
Touch me like a lover again
I close my eyes
hoping to feel your skin
against mine
just like you used to do
all the time
hold my hand
kiss my lips
make me feel your love
inside of me
like it used to be
why can't you see
my heart is breaking inside of me
because it has been too long
since I felt your touch
and it is getting to be too much
for me to bear
and I pray to God
that you still really care.

So touch me like a lover again
Touch me like a lover
make my pain end
Touch me like a lover
so my tears will end
Touch me like a lover again.

I lay in my bed
millions of thoughts swirling in my head
I reach out hoping to touch you
and there does not seem to be much
that I can do
because some things
I have no control over
So I got to hope that the day
will come
when you touch me like a lover again
Touch me like a lover
and make my pain end
Touch me like a lover
so my tears will end
Touch me like a lover
once again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TRAVELGUIDE

I was in Michigan
Jesus signs and born agains
trees and lakes
this is Eden
And I am the snake
the house lakeside
is the only place
I can hide

The sky is blue
and gray and white
the frozen lake below
all the land covered
with snow
Canadian geese
on the rise
spreading wings to the skies
the glory of nature taking
flight!

The crossing of roads
a people
a town
skeletons in the closet
abound
crying women and dying children
wife abuse and satanic youth
no one believes in the truth!

I went to the store
and it was like I had landed
on another planet
my gladness was their madness
my sadness was their gladness!

Vipers and snipers
highway killings is the game
they play
to help pass their day
heaven forbid
if you are gay
or different
or alive.

Dark visions plaque their minds
as they try to read mine
trying to find
the sin within
and cast it out
For look at him
I heard them say
you know he ain't from
around here
looks like a faggot
...a dirty queer
if he was
he'd been beat
maimed and mangled
seeing red
my thoughts tangled
homonoia
will destroy ya!

Reflecting their madness
in my eyes
I was the alibi for their hatred
generation to generation
inbred insanity
passing it down
doing it for Jesus
spilling blood
to punish
people
for loving.

I read the newspaper
murders, beatings
shootings and rapes
discount guns and party stores
disabled veterans of foreign wars
gowns and crosses
and black candle burnings
vicious circles
turning...

I look with sadness
at these people
who sold their souls
to a cross and a steeple
and forgot how to love
twisted lies and broken alibis
thinking the price of gold
will save their soul
and buy their
place in heaven.

I would hate to go to heaven
if they were there
for my gladness
is their madness
and my sadness
is their gladness.

2.27.1989

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE TRIPPER

Lurking fear in every corner
Your every move under scrutiny
Silent screams inside your head
Electric eye gleaming in the sky
Rage building in your soul
Grasp reality before you lose control
Icy chills run down your spine
Cold wind brings a feeling of dread.

A cry of agony in the night
Chances are you may be next
Insanity looks like the only escape
Death would be better yet.

Dark shadows moving in the night
Inside your head your mind is spinning
Evil spirits dancing in the night
Tomorrow seems so far away
Haunting voices calling out your name
Your inner fears fill your dreams
Lonesome howl of distant dogs
A faint hope builds in your heart
Maybe this is just a crazy dream
Icy chills go down your spine
Doubts you had are now gone
Everything is all too real...

Listen to the voices
Stop your foolish games
Dead men tell no tales

Try to run, try to hide
Rocking and reeling
Insane visions in your head
Pleasant dreams...

Listen to the voices
Stop your foolish games
Dead men tell no tales.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TROUBLE IN PARADISE

There's trouble in paradise
someone has burned down the garden of eden
and the demons are knocking on heaven's door
and the angels are turning tricks
just like a whore
someone has kidnapped God
and we cannot afford the ransom
so our prayers fall on deaf ears
and life is full of tears and fears
and the devil is laughing with glee
he has got the whole world on bended knee
and there seems to be
no one to hear our plea
so who is gonna save our souls now.

There's trouble in paradise
hell has frozen over
and we are skating on thin ice
because every soul has a price and a vice
and a cross to bear
so we raise our hands to the sky
hoping for a sign
that God did not die
and he still can turn water into wine
and the truth is still divine
and maybe one day we will find
the answers to all of our questions
and if I may make a few suggestions
at the risk of rejection
I need to know right now
how I fit in this grand design
or am I simply
just out of my mind.

There's trouble in paradise
we have been so blind
there's trouble in paradise
something's strange
and something's got to change
there's trouble in paradise
we have been so blind
there's trouble in paradise
someone has burned down the garden of eden
and the demons are knocking on heaven's door
and the angels are turning tricks
just like a whore
someone has kidnapped God
and we cannot afford the ransom
so who is gonna save our souls now
who is gonna save our souls now
who is gonna save our souls.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


21ST CENTURY HANGOVER

I got a 21st century hangover
pounding in my head like a supernova
too much too fast
left me feeling detached
like I am trapped in a runaway car
heading for a crash
no future no past
please don't break my heart of glass
because I've been down that road
too many times before
and that pain is just too hard to ignore
I know you heard me say this
a thousand times before
I know I sound like a broken record
I know you talk about me like a dog
behind my back
and I should give you a great big smack
but these days I am better than that
ask anyone
it's a fact.

I got a 21st century hangover
exploding in my head like a supernova
so red rover, red rover
send the next bitch over
so you think just because you know my name
you can put me to shame
so roll the dice honey
you're playing my game
and my bite is worse than my bark
and I always hit my mark
now that you have been warned
oh I mean been informed
so back up now
or you will come to harm
how's that for charm
now take your ass back to the farm.

I got a 21st century hangover
pounding in my head like a supernova
I find myself trying not to let bad thoughts
take control
trying not to wish
your head had a bullet hole
maybe it's just human nature
but then again
it's always been easy to hate ya
just take a look at yourself in the mirror
and hopefully things will seem clearer
I hope I am not the first one to tell you this
and besides
if you died today
you wouldn't be missed.

I got a 21st century hangover
exploding in my head like a supernova
now that I got that off my chest
I really do wish you the very best
it may not always seem that way
judging by some of the things that I say
especially back in the day
and I sincerely apologized for that
but at least I wasn't talking behind your back
how's that for tact
because manners are not what I lack
I wish I could change the past
and I wish I could fix the future
but miracles aren't
my field of expertise
so please!

I got a 21st century hangover
pounding in my head like a supernova
and I am feeling scary as can be
so don't you get contrary with me
mind your manners
and keep your mouth shut
no one wants to hear what you got to say
so turn your ass around
and walk the other way
if you want to see the brand new day
I hate to sound so cruel
I hate to sound so mean
but I was born a vicious quean
it's not that I want to hate you
or that I can't relate to you
but you had to go and act a fool
right in front of me
so what did you expect me to do!

I got a 21st century hangover
pounding in my head like a supernova
somebody give me a cure
I got a 21st century hangover
exploding in my head like a supernova
tell me when will the madness be over
I got a 21st century hangover
pounding in my head like a supernova.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE 21st CENTURY POST-MODERN TECHNOLOGICAL TOTALLY ILLOGICAL BLUES

Today I decided
I got the 21st century
post-modern technological
totally illogical blues
When I was a child
I used to think about what
I would be like at the turn of the century
I used to count the years to figure out
how old I would be
and what modern marvels I would see
It wasn't until I became a man
that I truly began to understand
just how precious
every little minute is
because what was can never be again
and in the end
you only have your memories
because the future is now
and it just came crashing down
and you find yourself
wondering where the time went
as you try to fill in the blanks
with memories you had to invent...

Today I decided
I got the 21st century
post-modern technological
totally illogical blues
as I live my life
in the cover of the night
trying to age gracefully
as I find myself in the same place
night after night
hoping that I'm acting tastefully
hoping that no one is looking
at me and shaking their head
like its my fault that their soul
is dead
oh how can they be so misled
Its such a shame that I am the one
they try to blame
and they don't even know my name
I tell myself
do not play their game
because in the end we are all the same
so I just go running for the shelter
of my self-destruction helper...

So I decided
that today I have the 21st century
post-modern technological
totally illogical blues
and it ain't no fun
living under...under the gun
because you ain't got nowhere to run
anywhere under the sun
and I pray everyday
that my world doesn't come undone
but when I turn on the TV
hate, death, and pain are all that I see
as the end of days nears
everyone is on their knees
hoping their prayers
don't fall on deaf ears
hoping their tears wash away
all of their fears
looking up towards the skies
looking for a sign that everything
is gonna...is gonna be fine
and that uneasy feeling
was all in their minds...

Today I decided
I have the 21st century
post-modern technological
totally illogical blues
sometimes I find myself
haunted by the ghosts of my past
wondering how long the nightmare
is going to last
sometimes it feels like I'm just floating
like a shadow
trapped in a world that only I can see
and I can't remember how to be me
or what is the secret
that will set me free
because I don't want to end up
another casualty
of my own self-imposed insanity
because I know I am the only one
who can set myself free...

Today I decided
I got the 21st century
post-modern technological
totally illogical blues...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


UNSPOKEN WORDS

It was one of those moments where I found myself
wondering where I stood
I can't explain how you make me feel
It's like I am choked up and I am feeling ill
But there is no doctor and there is no pill
that can change the way that I feel
I find myself feeling afraid and hoping that
I am not getting caught up in some kind of charade
I tell myself to stay in control
and not act the fool even though
there are so many things that I want to say to you
but sometimes I let my imagination run away
dreaming of doing things that I never would have
the courage to say that I wanted you in that way
because I would never want to offend you in anyway
even though confusion may reign supreme
I can still dream, I can still dream
I do not know why you fill me with such desire
the kind that makes you feel like your soul is on fire
but I don't know why so I just sigh
Sometimes I just want to grab and kiss you
head to toe just let myself go
but I am afraid this is more than you want to know
but I am a gentleman and I have class
and I want our friendship to last
but I want you to know
when I have the chance to make you smile
I glow
I hope you do not mind but I just wanted you to know
so our friendship can continue to grow
I hope these words that I have written
have not upset you in anyway
but they are things I felt I needed to say
as we listen to music as the sun rises
on a new day!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


UNTITLED #1

Heaven is what you make it
And hell is where you take it
So why do you got to fake it
Why do you got to make life so hard
Just like a boulevard
Of broken dreams
And tears and screams
Don't you ever want to let go of your inhibitions
Don't you ever want to strip away your constrictions
Don't you ever want to confront all your fictions
So free your mind and your ass will follow
Is that so hard to swallow
So don't be so shallow
Because love should be hallow.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


UNTITLED #2

The harsh glare of reality invaded
my momentary lapse of reason
casting its shadow of logic
upon my carefully orchestrated chaos
as I found myself questioning myself
about the true reality of my existence
and if I was really who I was
if my reflection was a reflection
of my true identity
I have worn many disquises
As I traveled
my chosen path of existence
and I let myself
be led astray by questionable
allegiances
and destructive activities
which I led myself
to believe would have no effect
on the projected outcome
of my purported life
I deluded myself into
believing that the path of excess
I was following would lead me
to the palace of wisdom
that would provide me with
the serenity that sometimes
I desperately desired
and offer me salvation from the pain
of the memories
of my dysfunctional childhood

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


UNTITLED #3

i sit and stare
acting like I don't care
(the problem is I care too much)

i walk and
don't talk
(not that I have nothing to say
just too much)

i think and
blink
(not ready to cry yet)

i feel like giving up
when I should be
living up
i know a man
i want to love

but confusion
makes a
intrusion
almost gives me a
contusion

i know a man
that i don't want to let go
i have so much love
i want to show
i wish I could make him know
when I think of him
i glow

love can be such a
fool's game
because it is never
the same
and will probably
drive me
insane

i wonder what others
would think
if they could feel
my pain
the thoughts and
dreams
in my brain

i wonder
i hope
i pray
for the day
i never have to say
goodbye.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


UNTITLED #4

Prince sang
I think about it all the time...
and so do I
sometimes I can't bear the
thought of you
or the pain you
cause me to feel
sometimes I think you are just
a child who played with
my heart
like a toy
and I say to myself
that's what you get for
falling in love
with a boy
sometimes I wish I never
saw your face
looked into your eyes
felt your touch
then maybe I would not
think about
it
so much...

yet still I desire you...

1989

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


UNTITLED #5

Standing at the edge
Wondering if I should fall
secret of the ages
escapes me
They say all things will pass
and for everything there is a
time
Wishing I could turn the
pages of time
So the secrets untold will unfold
I want to know
I want to know what to say
Will there be a world tomorrow
Somebody tell me
I really want to know
Can I live my life
Or will it be futile

BURN BABY BURN!

I can hear them say
Russian Roulette is what they play
One more time - mental decay
Push button warfare - anyday
Apocalypse
What a drag
Life should be fun
Not on the run
Not at the end of a gun
This world needs a love song
Everybody sing it
Reach out and touch somebody
Sing that song of love
Dreams can become reality
State your mind
You will find
You are not far behind
Voices calling - calling out
But who's listening?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


UNTITLED #6 (written with Rumblefish)

Visions of a faraway place
swimming across the sky of my universe
looking for a window
but not a crack appears
grinning cat - perk of the ears
scanning this object - kinda queer
how did it get in here
singing the song of the dead ones
when is the father gonna come
never said the red communist army
hiding in shadows building rage
must get out of this acting stage
ain't gonna go out and join the navy
you must think I am stone crazy
but the word is out tonight
that you're a gov'rement running
white boy
a crazy little rock-n-roll toy
hiding in the shadows building more rage
a shining vision seems nearby
but far out of reach
but just a smell away
close as you will ever know
listen to the wind blow
feel the sun grow
the dawning of a new day
the ending of an usual one
What's gonna be on the other side...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE VICIOUS QUEEN BLUES

I got the vicious queen blues again tonight
I know it's a sin and I know it's not right
I know I should know better
I know I shouldn't waste my time
by letting myself get caught up
in other peoples' drama
because I know it can only cause me
trauma
and besides it's not good karma
but the routine of being a queen
can become extreme
and the stress can make you forget
that you are a human being
I don't want to hate but I don't want to lie
I rather laugh
but you make me cry
so can you tell me when did your soul die
or did you sell it for a piece of the pie
that's too bad
because it is a lie
I see you watch me when I walk in the room
I see you want me for all the wrong reasons
I can see in your eyes
that love has lost all meaning
and I am surprised your heart is still
beating
you kid yourself that you are having fun
even though
you know you are having none
I really don't want to read you
and I'm not going to bleed for you
but your lack of manners
and your complete disregard for my feelings
compels me to make an example out of you
because if you yank my chain
you better be prepared to pay the price
and it isn't going to be nice
and you should have thought twice
I have no qualms about causing a scene
being cruel and mean
breaking you down in front of your
so-called friends
exposing you for who you really are
ripping off your mask
revealing your sordid past
then laughing in your face
as I put you in your place.

I got the vicious queen blues again tonight
Now it's getting late and I am trying to keep
a smile on my face
as the drugs and alcohol numb my hate
I try to remind myself that I have a real life
and it's great
and I don't have to participate
in other peoples' tragic and pathetic lives
I don't have to care
but I do
so I write these words for you
hoping you will get the message
even though I doubt you will
but it is better than me getting my gun
and kill, kill, kill
and you know I would.

I got the vicious queen blues again tonight
but I am going to remain strong
and stand in the light
and pray for you each and every night.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


VIEW TO A THRILL

The death disco drone drives on relentlessly
The children of the night flame on repentlessly
in a seemingly never-ending quest to find
what they are looking for
But most of them cannot even find the door.

As I watch so dispassionate, sometimes feeling so bitter
I try to find the right words to smash it.
The endless beat, the parade of meat,
The frustrated sexual heat, the perfect formula for defeat.

The clubland twirl can take you on a whirl
up and down and all around, inside out and upside down
Just remember to keep both feet on the ground
And do not let the K-hole take you down!
The endless beat, the parade of meat,
The frustrated sexual heat, the perfect formula for defeat.

I hate to sound so jaded
or like a has-been whose star's faded
But I have been around the block quite a few times
I have seen the triumphs and I have seen the crimes
I have seen the winners and I have seen the losers
Some of them died, some of them cried
Some of them failed, some of them tried
And the others - they just lied
The endless beat, the parade of meat,
The frustrated sexual heat, the perfect formula for defeat.

I got a theory in this age of conspiracy
That everyone is out to get everyone else
So I try to sing my song, everyone tells me I am wrong
Some say - it must be the drugs
Some say - it must be the lack of hugs
But to most
it is in one ear and out the other
They just cannot be bothered.
The endless beat, the parade of meat,
The frustrated sexual heat, the perfect formula for defeat!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


VISIONS

Welcome me to your mind
I'll show you the secrets you can find
Of life
Of death
Of reality

Let your mind take a ride
See what it is like on the outside
Open the doors of your mind
Then you will truly be able to see
What is the real reality

C'mon now - let me show you how

I once had a place in society
They wanted me to be something
That I did not want to be
There was nothing I could do
They had my mind wrapped in a chain
My life was a living hell
I knew something was wrong
I knew it wouldn't be long
So I began to rebel
Had to free my mind before I went insane
It was the only thing I could do
Their view of reality wasn't for me
Because I wanted to be free
I once had a place in society...

Let your mind take a ride
See what it is like on the outside
Open the doors of your mind
Then you will truly be able to see
What is the real reality

But wait, I was on the outside looking in
All I saw was a world of hate, lust, and injustice
A rat race from beginning to end
There had to be a way to fulfill my dreams
Then one day I saw the light
All hope was not lost
But it had its cost
I had to stand and fight
There is more to life than it seems
I just had to know where to begin
To find a world of peace, love, and happiness
I was on the outside looking in...

Let your mind take a ride
See what it is like on the outside
Open the doors of your mind
Then you will truly be able to see
What is the real reality

So stop, brothers and sisters listen to me
I have seen the reflections of my thoughts
On the mirror of my mind
The secret of life is inside of you
Reality is what you want it to be
Live your life your way
Stop living on the inside
It is no place to hide
Even if it is what they say
Take a chance if you ever want to be free
It is the best thing that you can do
Time to realize that there is more to life
Than what you see
Brothers and sisters listen to me

Let your mind take a ride
See what it is like on the outside
Open the doors of your mind
Then you will truly be able to see
What is the real reality

Welcome me to your mind
I'll show you the secrets you can find
Of life
Of death
Of reality

Let your mind take a ride
See what it is like on the outside
Open the doors of your mind
Then you will truly be able to see
What is the real reality

Take a chance before it is too late

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE WAR SONG

I'm in no condition to go to war,
I'm in no condition to even the score.
I smoked too much dope,
Done too much EL-ESS-DEE.
Just take a look at me,
I ain't got much hope.
I'm in no condition to go to war,
I'm in no condition, stay away from my door.

Politicians playing their little games
Like little kids calling each other names
Never caring who they hurt
A matter of honor is their ploy
Sending young boys off to war
As generals watch with sadistic joy
Treating people just like dirt
All they want is complete control
Even if they have to sell their souls.

I'm in no condition to go to war,
I'm in no condition to even the score.
I smoked too much dope,
Done too much EL-ESS-DEE.
Just take a look at me,
I ain't got much hope.
I'm in no condition to go to war,
I'm in no condition, stay away from my door.

Politicians think the world is in their hands
Senseless spilling of blood in foreign lands
Power and greed is their drive
Turning their backs when it falls apart
Treating us like pawns in chess
Send us to finish what they start
We pay the price, they stay alive
They only look out for number one
One day the end will come to their fun.

I'm in no condition to go to war,
I'm in no condition to even the score.
I smoked too much dope,
Done too much EL-ESS-DEE.
Just take a look at me,
I ain't got much hope.
I'm in no condition to go to war,
I'm in no condition, stay away from my door.

I wish somebody would hear my plea
Don't want nobody shooting at me
I don't want to use a gun
I don't want to have to kill
Politicians don't seem to understand
Just doesn't give me a thrill
It just doesn't seem fun
I just don't see the reason why
Because I'm not ready to die.

I'm in no condition to go to war,
I'm in no condition to even the score.
I smoked too much dope,
Done too much EL-ESS-DEE.
Just take a look at me,
I ain't got much hope.
I'm in no condition to go to war,
I'm in no condition, stay away from my door.

Those war clouds are gathering
I can hear the war pigs laughing...

(Thanks Black Sabbath)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



WELCOME TO MY PLASTIC WORLD

Drama
Trauma
Glamour
Karma

Welcome to my plastic world
where nothing is real
and the truth is concealed
and peoples' dark sides are revealed
just open wide and take this pill
I promise you an all night thrill
Welcome to my plastic world...

The high price of the big city life
always takes its toll
if you don't watch your step
it can swallow you whole
all your fears will be compounded
as you stand there dumbfounded
another forgotten story
in an unfeeling world
and time will not
make these wounds heal...

Welcome to my plastic world
where every night
I try to numb my pain
so I do not go insane
but the drugs
do not seem to work anymore
so would somebody please show me
the door
because I cannot take it no more...

Welcome to my plastic world
full of sugar-coated fantasies
fueling unattainable sexual inanities
and you're never sure what to believe
because somethings are
just to hard to conceive
especially when what you want
and what you need
are worlds apart and you are
too afraid to listen to your heart...

Welcome to my plastic world
where I cannot get no sleep
as I lay in silence
and watch the minutes creep
regretting that I forgot that
you are supposed to look before you leap
and I curse myself
because I cannot get no sleep...

Welcome to my plastic world!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WHAT'S GONNA BE ON THE OTHER SIDE

visions of a faraway place
swimming across the sky of my universe
looking for a window
but not a crack appears
grinning cat perk of the ears
scanning this object kinda queer
how did it get in here
singing the song of the dead ones
when is the father gonna come
never said the red communist army
hiding in shadows building rage
must get out of this acting stage
ain't gonna go out and join the navy
you must think i'm stone crazy
but the word is out tonight
that you're a gov'rnment running white boy
a crazy little rock-n-roll toy
hiding in the shadows building more rage
a shining vision seems nearby
but far out of reach
but just a smell away
close as you'll ever know
listen to the wind blow
feel the sun grow
the dawning of a new day
the ending of an usual one
WHAT'S GONNA BE ON THE OTHER SIDE...

JR & RUMBLEFISH

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WHEN I WAS A CHILD

When I was a child I was taught
to love the baby Jesus
salute the flag and mind my manners
but these days none of that matters
the whole world seems to be in tatters
covered with blood splatters
the peace has been shattered
somewhere someplace
someone is dying
someone is crying
someone is lying
and I am not buying
oh no
I am not buying
it ain't supposed to be this way.

When I was a child
I used to get on my knees and pray
that I would live to see the day
that there would be peace on earth
but...
and it ain't no use in pretending
even when it seems never-ending
because when I look into your eyes
I see the devil inside
and he wants to take me on a ride
but I ain't gonna swallow my pride

When I was a child I was taught
to love the baby Jesus
salute the flag and mind my manners
but these days none of that matters
the whole world seems to be in tatters
covered with blood splatters
the peace has been shattered
somewhere someplace
someone is dying
someone is crying
someone is lying
and I am not buying.

When I was a child
the future it seemed so bright
and I was so full of hope
and the sky was the limit
but the seconds turn into minutes
and much to my chagrin
it is a race you can never win
no matter where you begin
my life has had its ups
and its downs
sometimes I smile
sometimes I frown
sometimes I win
sometimes I lose
but regardless of that
my actions have led me
to where I am at
this point in time.

When I was a child I was taught
to love the baby Jesus
salute the flag and mind my manners
but these days none of that matters
the whole world seems to be in tatters
covered with blood splatters
the peace has been shattered
somewhere someplace
someone is dying
someone is crying
someone is lying
and I am not buying.

When I was a child
I wanted to grow up
to be the king of the world
so I could make it heaven on earth
for all the boys and girls
around the whole wide world
but somehow I got sidetracked
and maybe the deck was stacked
but that does not change the facts
the dreams of my youth
crushed by the brutal truth
but I refuse
to let that bring me down
I will not shed the tears of a clown.

When I was a child I was taught
to love the baby Jesus
salute the flag and mind my manners
but these days none of that matters
the whole world seems to be in tatters
covered with blood splatters
the peace has been shattered
somewhere someplace
someone is dying
someone is crying
someone is lying
and I am not buying.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WHEN I WAS A WHORE

I used to have this john, Ed was his name, he was this affluent old geezer in the judicial field,
and he represented all that was wrong with America. I did not want to have to prostitute myself,
but I had to pay the rent. I got this thing about being homeless. And the way I look and I live,
normal jobs are out of my league. Most johns have been erased from my memory banks, but Ed stood
out. My "agent" would call and give me an appointment, then I would vomit and put on my "showbiz
face". Then the routine would begin; a sign on the front door to warn my junkie roommate to come
back in an hour, then I would place a folded white towel on the corner of the bed with a small
bottle of Johnson's Baby Oil next to it, play some J.D. Cadinot French porno on the TV, and then
strip down to a white t-shirt and wait for his knock. Ed would come in and leer like he had some
kind of power over me. He would walk back to my bedroom and take his pants off and pull his penis
out through the pee slot in his underwear and oil it up and stroke it. I only looked at it once
and it looked like Mr. Peanut. I usually kept my eyes closed and thought about the Queen, as they
used to say, and I waited for his voice as he would push me towards the doorway and make me stand
against the door jambs like I was a streetwalker in a dark alley and then he would start talking
to me. "You want it whore!" "I'm fingering your dirty cunt!" "You deserve this!" This is where I
would start praying - please don't have a heart attack - please hurry - do not get any cum on me -
thank God I do not have to get hard - I think I am going to vomit - why and what is up with the
feminine pronoun - if he wanted a girl, why didn't he pay for one - forgive me! he would cum on
the towel with a grunt, then he would get dressed, place the money covertly on my dresser, and
leave like he had just used the toilet or something. I would shut the front door, vomit, cry,
count the money, and then call the landlord and pay the rent, and finally I would boil myself in
the shower, and vow to exact my revenge. All whores are beautiful, and all johns must die slowly
in a slaughterhouse method just like the cows and swine they are in their lives.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WHEN I WISH

There are times
When I wish I was nicer
There are times
When I wish I was wiser
There are times when I regret
that I didn't live up to my potential
there are times when everything seems
so inconsequential
there are times
when I think
I am going mental.

Sometimes I find myself feeling so lost
wondering if all the fun and games
were worth the cost
but I guess
I should consider myself lucky
I have lived a life
that most people only dream about
I lived high and I lived low
I've been rich and I've been poor
I was a virgin who became a whore
I could never get enough
I only wanted more and more
I was living a life
but it was passing me by
at the speed of light
and I forgot the difference
between wrong and right
as I wandered blindly
into the endless night.

There are times
When I wish I was nicer
There are times
When I wish I was wiser
There are times when I regret
that I didn't live up to my potential
there are times when everything seems
so inconsequential
there are times
when I think
I am going mental.

Sometimes I find myself having a moment of clarity
and everything makes absolute sense to me
but it's usually at the wrong time
in the wrong place
and it seems like such a waste
because moments later
the revelation will vanish without a trace
and you know that
it doesn't really matter
because I want to be happier
and not sadder
so please don't make me any madder
than I am at myself and people like you
I won't judge you
if you don't judge me
because I am so tired of all
the universal negativity.

There are times
When I wish I was nicer
There are times
When I wish I was wiser
There are times when I regret
that I didn't live up to my potential
there are times when everything seems
so inconsequential
there are times
when I think
I am going mental.

Sometimes I wish I was someone else
but with my luck
I would end up being a nobody like you
and then
get run over by a truck
my...wouldn't that suck
so I try to wake up each and every day
and pray
that I find the strength
to make it all the way
without...oh you know
getting arrested
or hurting somebody
just because...
oh I know I sound nutty
but listen buddy...

There are times
When I wish I was nicer
There are times
When I wish I was wiser
There are times when I regret
that I didn't live up to my potential
there are times when everything seems
so inconsequential
there are times
when I think
I am going mental.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE WIND CRIES DARLA (Written for BUCKWHEAT HENDRIX)

Tell me where you have gone to
from the little girl
you used to be.
When I look into your eyes
you got to tell me what
I see.
You're not the same girl
I used to know
all those years ago,
or maybe it's just my memories
slipping away from me
and maybe you're just the
same girl you have been
all these years.
Oh, it really makes me wonder
oh oh
the wind cries Darla.

The time flies or so they say
but my eyes have seen more things
than I have the words
to say.
Yesterday...
so far away
Today...
I don't know
And tomorrow...
I guess its
on with the show.
Oh you know
time keeps slippin'
slippin' into the future
oh oh
the wind cries Darla.

Sometimes late at night
I wonder about what
I am doing with my life
and I wonder if I am doing it
right,
Oh, doing it right.
But looking back on it all,
I can see that I did not fail
at all
Because living love
is the only way,
and that is what I have
been trying to say
to everyone of you
and I know it is true
because I can hear
the wind cry Darla!

7.9.91

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WHO'S GONNA PAY THE PRICE

Dark conspiracies, secret alibis
Man on the TV telling me lies
Who's gonna pay the price
Who's gonna sacrifice
Pretty blonde girl, smiling real nice
Says they just detonated a nuclear device
Who's gonna pay the price
Who's gonna sacrifice
Plastic propaganda, changing the story
Killing people for American glory

Nuclear madness, human sorrow
Will the world be around tomorrow
Who's gonna pay the price
Who's gonna sacrifice
The guilty win, the innocent lose
Mother Nature is singing the blues
Who's gonna pay the price
Who's gonna sacrifice
We got to stop this dance of death
Before we take our last breath

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WOKE UP THIS MORNING

Woke up this morning
after yet another night
of debauchery
I have been blurring
the line between
fantasy and reality
way too long
so yet again the first thing
I reach for
is my bong
I may be right
I may be wrong
but one thing I do know
is you can't save
the world
with a song

Turn on the television
Media poison clouds my vision
Pedophiles and missing white girls
Middle America gets such a thrill
watching the misery of others
to hell with
love one another
Sometimes I don't know
why I even bother
judging by the way
the future is shaping up
stop the world I want to get off

Hurricanes and earthquakes
Serial killers and religious fakes
Ain't technology great
the military-industrial complex
the cycle of violence
and all the rest
broadcast live
for your pleasure
or Tivo it so you can watch
at your leisure
maybe Bono can save the world
make a happy home for every
boy and girl
but I think he underestimates
the power of hate
and other negative human traits

We all can wish upon a star
but we are who we are
good vs. evil
left vs. right
I could go on all night
but talk is cheap
even more so in this digital age
got me feeling like a rat
trapped in an electronic cage
being force-fed the latest rage
even now as I write
these words on this page
Maybe I am crazy
Maybe I am lazy
Maybe I don't know
what the hell I am
talking about
and maybe I should
just shut my mouth
but one way or another
the truth will get out

Woke up this morning
after another night
of debauchery
Ran to the mirror
to see if the reflection
was still me
got down on my knees
begging God to
hear my pleas
I am so sick and tired
of days like these
Woke up this morning
after another night
of debauchery
I have been blurring
the line between fantasy
and reality
way too long
and all I can do
is pick up my pen
and write this song
Woke up this morning...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YOU BETTER THINK ON THIS

I write the prayers
for the dead people
that cry in my dreams
the ones that...sigh
the ones that...why
those
for who the dream died...
Late at night
high in my room
soul sealed like a tomb
waiting for sleep to bloom
Do you hear the bells
and for whom do they toll
what tales are there to be told
by the ones
that got sold
down the river
hook, line, and sinker
ain't nothing coming up roses
anymore
life is such a whore
and God...
he can be such a bore
Some days I wake up screaming
I can't take it no more...
I can't take it no more...
I think back to the days
of long ago
a mother and a son
and a story to be told
nightmare situation
with no one at the controls

The monster swallowed me whole
but you choose the path
that you choose
and it don't help when
you are confused
And with the ticking of the clock
and the striking of the match
and the lighting of the fuse
the bomb went boom
the hand of doom
leaving nothing
but the ticking of the clock
to keep me on my toes
when the edge
gets too close
but you know...
how it goes...

When you lead a life of danger
death ain't no stranger
and we all know
that the truth is...
what was the word I just said
stranger...
stranger than fiction
stranger next door
stranger in the car
strangers on the streets
strangers in the shopping malls
so run there quickly
and buy it all
do what the television says
run with the pack
mob rules
going down on a ship of fools
life can be so cruel
Now come a little closer
and listen carefully
to the words I say
they just might save your soul someday
and I would not want to have it
any other way
we all are different people
all from different places
but all roads
lead to Rome
and home is where the heart is
and love is all there is
to miss
so you better think on this
and it is coming to you
sealed with a kiss
you better think on this
and it is coming to you
sealed with a kiss
and you better think
on this.

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YOUR LIFE (GET SERIOUS)

Get serious - Do something with your life
Get serious - Don't waste your life
Get serious - Don't play with your life
Get serious - Don't lose your life

Playing games with your head
Drinking beer and smoking dope
Staying out late, breaking all the rules
Why don't you even care
If you're going nowhere
Blindly following when no one leads
You never listen, say you know it all
Hey I'm where it's at
They don't know what they're talking about, man
You never listen, you ignore life's call
Blindly following, while your soul bleeds
Who do you think you are - some kind of superstar
Wasting your life like the other fools
Running away, giving up hope
Playing games with your head

Get serious - Do something with your life
Get serious - Don't waste your life
Get serious - Don't play with your life
Get serious - Don't lose your life

A fool laughing in death's face
Running in circles, heading no place
Live for today, forget tomorrow
Who's going to cry, when it's your turn to die
No future, that's gonna be your fate
You don't care, it's live for the hour
Leave me alone, man
I do things my way, dig!
You don't care, well until things go sour
No future, it's never too late
Why don't you take a chance
Before it's your soul's last dance
Living on time you had to borrow
A mindless fool taking up space
A fool laughing in death's face

Get serious - Do something with your life
Get serious - Don't waste your life
Get serious - Don't play with your life
Get serious - Don't lose your life
Playing games with your head
A fool laughing in death's face
Why can't you see
Get serious - Do something with your life
Get serious - Don't waste your life
Get serious - Don't play with your life
Get serious - Don't lose your life

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ZERO HOPE

IT IS RAINING IN BABYLON
RIVLETS OF WATER RUN DOWN THE STREET
I AM BORED
I WAIT FOR DAWN
I WILL WALK THE QUIET STREETS TO MY GATES
I WILL SMOKE
I WILL LIE IN MY BED AND STARE AT THE CEILING
I WILL IMAGINE I SEE A VAN GOGH
FLOWING IN THE SWIRLS IN THE TILES
I WILL THINK OF MY LOVER SO FARAWAY
I WILL WISH FOR HIS TOUCH
I WILL SLEEP
I WILL DREAM
TRAVELING TO A DISTANT PLACE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND
ONLY I HAVE THE KEY TO UNLOCK
A PLACE WHERE I CAN DANCE
TO THE SECRET MELODIES
FROM THE HEARTS OF THE WISE
I AM A SONG
BUT TONIGHT I SIT AND STARE OUT THE WINDOWS
WONDERING WHY
I SIGH
I AM BORED
THE RAIN KEEPS FALLING
BABYLON SLEEPS
I WAIT FOR THE SUN

















RETURN TO MR. JIMIJAM